The Yap

My Whole Brand Spankin' New Life

2011-10-12T15:13:00.000-04:00

My life, y'all. It is unrecognizable. It changed overnight. The day Rebecca started kindergarten.

She went into school with a giant backpack hanging down to her knees. And she looked so tiny. And she wasn't sure about it. And I wasn't sure about it.

And then she came home from school that first day acting like she was ON CRACK. Its as if the teachers are up there passing out speed tablets to everyone. I was expecting a droopy, teary, exhausted kid. But I guess all those years of self-inflicted ~~hell~~ sleep deprivation have paid off. She is USED to it. She ran directly outside and played with the neighborhood kids until I dragged her back inside against her will to go to bed at 7 p.m. She seriously falls asleep at an early hour every night.

It is like a totally new world.

I am no longer the sole person in charge of entertaining her all day every day. And that, my friends, was a huge job. That kid has 36 million projects going at all times and her brain is whirring and spitting out questions and demands and requests and godknowswhat so damn fast. And the trail of trash and detritus and mess she generates is so vast and so wide that by 9 a.m. I feel I've run a marathon.

But now that is someone else's problem from 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. NOT MY PROBLEM. Muah ha ha ha ha.

And even better? Andrew started two mornings a week at preschool. Praise the baby Jesus in his oxen stall.

I have FREE TIME. Y'all, seriously. FREE TIME. On the calendar. Four hours a week. I can schedule a haircut without lining up babysitters. Heaven on a biscuit.

Downer of a side note: One sad sad thing has happened, though. I think Andrew is kinda done napping. And I'm really in serious mourning about this. SERIOUS. Because this means I no longer nap. Ever. This is a problem I'll address later. Back to the good stuff!

Gone are the days of me, stuck inside with two kids and trying desperately to fill the hours until bedtime. Suddenly I am go-go-go-going ALL the time. Taking Rebecca to school, taking Andrew to school, going to the gym, picking Andrew up, taking Andrew to gymnastics, running errands, running home to put dinner in a crockpot, taking Becca to soccer. Taking Becca to ballet. Dashing around at all hours of the day. Meeting John for LUNCH. OUT. At 1 p.m. Going to Home Depot at TWO p.m.

This is Unheard Of.

I'm serious.

Do you know the last time I was out running and errand during Sacred Nap Time? NEVER. That's when.

It is like a whole new world has opened up to me. And I'm standing there, beaming, shading my eyes, blinking, and looking completely bewildered. THIS is how I imagined life would be as a Stay at Home Mom. Or, as I like to call it Work At Home ~~Slave~~ Mom.

This is something I can handle. Those last five and a half years were hard for me. Just hard. Dealing with willful toddlers. This is like a fresh breeze in comparison. I feel like this giant weight has been slowly lifting and then suddenly on the first day of kindergarten and preschool it just finally dropped off. I have BACK UP. I have SCHEDULED free time without any guilt. Really this should be a requirement for all parents the minute a baby enters the scene. Because this makes it do-able.

I guess I like go-go-going. And now instead of traveling, I am going bonkers in my own town. Now I have to go pack a ballet bag and snack and go pick up Rebecca and take her to ballet. So I'm outta here!

The year school didn't start

2011-08-29T16:07:00.001-04:00

I'm waiting. Will the school district call? Will the first day of school be postponed again? I kinda need to know. If tomorrow is indeed going to happen I need to be making dinner. And bathing my kids.

If it's going to be postponed again I need to continue stressing out over just who the he'll can watch my 2-year old while I attend gradual entry. I also need to be drinking a margarita at my friend's house while the kids run crazy outside all evening and go (yet another day) without bathing.

So which is it?

Hurricane Irene knocked power out in our area. Ours is back on, but many are without. It also knocked down our back neighbor's big tree which really fucking sucks because now I'm looking at a shed and houses rather than beautiful green leaves. Poor me. Wah.

So this all leaves me immobilized. Do I do something? Go somewhere?

Continue drinking my emergency hurricane supplies from the iced down cooler? Throw me a bone here, people.

****update: no school again! The year of the never ending summer!

Summer and the State of the Homesickness

2011-08-06T14:26:00.001-04:00

So July was the hottest July and the hottest month on record for Baltimore.

And one day the heat index was 120. Which isn't bad if you live in Arizona an the air isn't 99% saturated in water. But I don't live in Arizona. Evidently, I live in a steam cooker.

My bitter and all-consuming homesickness for Texas abated a bit with this heat wave. Maybe I don't really like being hot and stinky all the time. Maybe it is good to live somewhere that cools down from time to time.

Check back in two months. I will swing wildly back into the "I have to move to Texas immediately" camp. So.....what have we been up to?

Swim lessons. And....uhhhhhh. That's all I can remember. Perhaps some photos....to jog my memory.

Let's see. Oh yes. I bought some booze.

We ate some ice cream.

We held a neighbor's newborn baby....which gave me about 5 minutes of baby fever, but then Andrew shat on the floor and Becca screamed because she couldn't play on the computer anymore and then that passed.

We had dance camp....

We cleaned up a messy room.
Before:

After:

My uncle, aunt and cousins came to visit and we had a fun HOT crab night wherein it was the hottest day on record and my air conditioner didn't work for 8 hours.

The kids had to huddle by a cooler just to survive.

We went to a potato
Chip factory and spent the rest of the month gorging.

We celebrated 14 years of marriage by me smartly trying to take a self portrait while we were driving.

John cooperated. As usual.

If I post enough of these he will stop doing it, riiiigght?

We ate snowcones.

Went to baseball game.

We colored.

The basement looks like this all the time.

Dear lord in heaven, no wonder I need a nap every day. It also explains this lovely treasure I came across in my photo roll.

Help! Someone send help!

I Totally Should Have Invented This

2011-07-09T06:49:00.001-04:00

I really wish I had written this
book Me. ME! More than any mother out there I am the one who is always raging against some kind of sleep misdemeanor.

Mostly I just whine and feel sorry for myself that all my friends' children sleep past seven, or eight, or even nine a.m. My little monsters like to be up by six.

Life is so unfair. Why don't my kids do that? What am I doing wrong? Wah. Poor me blah blah blah suburban Tragedycakes.

I should be used to it. I should go to bed at 9 every night and wake with a smile.

No, after 5 and a half years it still pisses me off. Maybe even more so. I absolutely refuse to accept it. I still wake up pissed off at 6 am every day of my life, with no breaks or weekends ever. No matter how late they stay up. No matter if they skip naps and swim 20 straight hours and go on 24 hour raging benders with hookers and blow. Their asses are up at 6 am.

And so is mine.

And the worst part is they hit the ground running. Running and hungry and whining and needy and loud and screechy and chatty. There is no cuddling in bed, or quietly laying down.

And holy shit! Mama just needs everyone to STFU. And lay the F down. And stop yelling at me. And go the F to sleep.

Or, at the very minimum....let me just sit and stew in peace and coffee for ten minutes.

So, seriously. I missed my biggest chance for instant millionaire-hood (first expenditure early morning nanny!) by not writing this book.

******
in other news, well. It's summer. It's humid. The air feels as refreshing as a hot bowl of minestrone. We are doing swimming lessons, which are 45 minutes of kids in the water preceded and followed by 90 minutes of Mommy's frantic preparations regarding suits and sunscreen and packed lunches and snacks and towels and last minute swim diaper "incidents." We are gone for an hour and a half-- and then I have to lie down the rest of the day. But, Becca has finally decided she WANTS to swim and indeed wearing floaties forever may not be such a great idea. So, this is major progress and makes it all worth it.

********
I'm waiting for HGTV's new Design Star to start.
*********
I don't like Ann Curry as Today Show host. I like her as news correspondent.
********
I need some new TV to watch.
*****
I really should stop typing and be productive.
*****
The End.

Being pecked to death by chickens

2011-07-07T12:00:00.001-04:00

My good friend once told me that motherhood can best be likened to being pecked to death by chickens.

As I sit here on the second floor desperately trying to avoid detection by my lovely spawn, I hear "mommmmmmmyy! Where are you??????? Mommy?"

So there you go. No escape. They find you. Then they peck your eyes out. Then they poop in their underwear and bleed on the carpet and bathe their toads in your clean sink and then they whine. And fight. A lot.

Especially in the summer.

But here's the thing.

After they find you hiding in their room (it's the last place they will look!) they go and do something cute. Like this.

And then you feel horribly guilty about how you just were trying to escape them. Why would you want to escape those poor sweet darling little angels? You're the worst mom in the world, with the possible exception of Casey Anthony (good lawd!) So you put down your phone and you lay down on the floor and stick your head under their crib.....and catch a big whiff of a fresh one.

And there my friends, you have it.

Can I Meditate (Or Medicate?) Myself into Barnes and Noble?

2011-06-14T21:49:00.002-04:00

I've become interested in meditation lately. I bought a book called "The Power of The Subconcious Mind" the other night at Barnes and Noble....when I found myself with 20 child-free minutes. It was heavenly, that 20 minutes. I bought a decaf light mocha coconut frappacino (i.e. chemical air with no purpose other than mental health) from Starbucks and wandered through B & N. I felt light. I felt good. I felt free. I felt like MYSELF. No one was yelling at me. No one was requesting a damn thing. No one needed feeding. No one had produced a turd on the floor. No one had a piece of plastic plaything stuck between their teeth that needed extraction with a pair of tweezers. No one knew my name. No one called me "Mommy." No one was fighting. No one was covered in sand. There was no laundry to do. There wasn't a pile of dirty dishes looking at me. Everyone left me the hell alone for 20 blissful minutes.

Damn.

If only I could have that 20 minutes once a day. Seriously.

If once a day I could be in B & N with 13 bucks to spend and a coffee of choice in my hand?

Paradise, I tell you.

Who needs pharmaceuticals? All you really need is time and money in a B & N. It would solve the world's problems. At least, it could solve my problems. Especially if coffee is involved. And silence.

Or maybe some wine.

But really just silence.

So, anyway. I was there. In paradise. Happy as a little clam. Clutching my 13 dollars. Grinning from ear to ear each time I sipped the mocha coconutty goodness. And I picked up a book that told me that my mind could solve all my problems! I just have to, like, think or something. About something other than potty training and kindergarten readiness and naps and sight words and vitamins and nutrition and JESUS! WE HAVE A HOUSE FULL OF TOYS WHY ARE YOU CUTTING PAPER INTO SMALL PIECES AND SPRINKLING THEM ON THE FLOOR AND NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A COOKIE AND WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SHIT STUCK TO THE COMPUTER MONITOR AND WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?????

I bought this book. Its going to fix me. It says it can.

I'll let you know.

Calming Myself

2011-06-10T07:01:00.000-04:00

Breathe deeply. That's what they say. And they're totally right. It does something physical right away. Something good. Something calming.

I need calming. Not for any particularly good reason. I mean, things are good. Life is good. But I still need calming. It is part of my charm.

I tend to overreact.

I tend to make things into bigger deals than they are.

I tend to worry.

A lot.

I fret.

Oh, yes. I'm a fretter. And when I'm fretting, I say to myself, "Self, you KNOW fretting doesn't help. You KNOW this is all going to work out okay. Stop fretting." And yet.....I don't stop. I just go right on fretting for no good reason against all better judgement.

What can I say? I'm charming like that.

John loves it. Oh yes. He loves it when I lay in bed awake and twitching about how am I ever going to get back from gymnastics in time to get Becca's hair in a bun for ballet and get dinner made and then I have that meeting at school and what if it goes over and I can't get there in time to pick up Becca? What if I have to leave early from the meeting? When will I feed Andrew during this scenario? What if he pees in his pants at the meeting? Blah blah blah, first world problemcakes, to quote Amalah.

Those are fun times.

And of course, it all goes off fine. I get home in time to make dinner. Becca gets to ballet. I get to the meeting. Andrew stays dry. He eats. Its all good. Why did I just spend 4 hours of my night stressing about this? Why didn't I spend 4 hours cleaning the house? Now THAT would have gotten me somewhere.

Breathe deeply.

Be still.

Be still. I think that is my all time favorite Bible phrase. Be still. Yes. That is what I need.

I am like a hummingbird on crack.....like a meer cat who has seen an enemy. I'm like a wild animal, tearing through the forest, maniacal eyes rolling back in my head, froth pouring from my mouth.

What a sight.

Be still.

Breathe deeply.

Seriously. How does anyone live in TEXAS?

2011-05-31T15:10:00.000-04:00

My November through April homesickness for the Lone Star State has been replaced with a homesickness for a freezer where I can crawl in and die. It is hot as blazes out here. And I, for one, am not sure I like it. I mean, I LOVE that it is finally summer. I love that it isn't winter. I love that I can go to the store in a sundress and flip flops. I love the sun. I love the green grass. I love planting annuals and tomato plants. I love evenings on the deck after sundown. I love kids on a slip n slide. I love the smell of sunscreen. I love getting a tan (except on my face where I wear nothing less than 110 SPF). I love the slower pace. I love mornings at the pool. I love all of it. But, DAYUM....a 105 heat index? SERIOUSLY? In MAY? Holy Jesus. How did I ever live in Texas all those years? It is like a freaking nightmare to go outside.

It may just be the east coast humidity that is the killer......but I think I'm totally not used to such heat. I have to be completely submerged in water just to survive. I'm like an amphibian. But I am still happier to be a sweating frog than a freezing bear hibernating. Definitely.

Glorious Gray May

2011-05-17T08:01:00.001-04:00

May. Ahhhh. Finally. Finally. It is warm(er). We can go outside. The annoying spring of drip and shiver is mostly over. The tulips are done blooming, actual annuals can be planted outside.

We can eat outside on the screened in porch that I love. The porch that convinced me to buy this house.

When we first moved here the weather seemed so mild compared to Alaska. But after living here for a few years, it seems the winter is getting longer and longer. This past winter. Jesus. I swear it went on FOREVER.

I'm so relieved it is over. The kids are back outside looking for toads.

Baby birds are hatching under the deck.

(a peek through the floor boards)....one egg, two baby birds.

We can have people over and send the roiling masses of children outside.

We can make giant messes on the deck.

My homesickness isn't so severe this time of year.

*****
in other news, it has been another year of continual jet setting. I do so love to jet set.

Because of this:

(preschool graduation, complete with ridiculous caps and gowns and a roomful of helicopter parents),

....our traveling days are about to become quite restricted. I'm dreading that! In the last month we've been to South Carolina, Tennessee and Florida....

I got five days all to myself at my house which is my ultimate fantasy. Jane and John kept the kids in SC and I was in total heaven....organizing closets and drawers, rearranging furniture, watching movies, taking naps, running about 196368 errands all by myself. Every mom should get this. It should be written in ink and signed in blood before a single child is born.

--we interrupt this blog post to clean up yet another pee spill---

It has been one of the best months ever. I'm posting a ton of pictures that I plan to stare at for hours this week as I embark upon potty training with a forecast of nothing but rain all week. Rain and pee. Coming down.

With Jo Anne and Jim in Florida

Florida. I like pina coladas.

With Papa John at a Nature Center in North Carolina.

John's Aunt Betty...first time I got to meet her! Beautiful lady!

Easter in SC.

Playing with Papa John in SC.

Fishing in Florida.

Mother's Day in Florida

Boat captain.

Petting goats in North Carolina

Great Uncle Jack getting award in Tennessee.

My birthday.

Happy days! Happy late spring/early summer.

Now for the mantra of the week: he will make it to a potty at some point. He will make it to a potty at some point..........

How I resemble Mr. Rogers

2011-04-13T14:43:00.001-04:00

I have this blue fleece jacket. And I have a problem.

I love it. It is nice and long, it zips all the way down the front, not one of those annoying three-quarter length zippers. It has zippered pockets that perfectly hold my cell phone and keys. It is soft. It is warm. I wear it every day. I can zip it all the way up to my chin if i want. It is the most comfy item of clothing I own. It is from Land's End and is very high quality.

And it matches my eyes. So, whats the problem you ask?

John hates it.

He says it is like the ultimate "I have given up" look. Who? Me?

Maybe just a little bit. It is starting to resemble Edith Bunker's house dress. It is so ubiquitous. It is always on me. And I wear it over my pajamas and old sweat pants...

As soon as I walk in the door, off comes my jacket and on goes the blue fleece. Home. Warm. Comfy.

So what if I look like an old man most of the time. Is that so wrong?

Well. Ok. Don't answer that. Do you think if I buy a new one in a totally different color like magenta or red it would make us all think I am trying a little harder? I guess it's worth a shot......maybe I should also look for some indoor blue Keds like Mr. Rogers used to pair with his cardigans!

Nest of nasty

2011-04-11T15:32:00.001-04:00

Here I am. Sitting on the window seat upstairs. The windows are open today, really open, for the first time this spring. The dust has collected in the sill since the last time I opened them. That's kind of gross.

Ceiling fans are on.

I'm wearing short sleeves. My hair is blowing in a perfectly lovely breeze.

See? Hair? In breeze? I mopped the floor this morning. I was so inspired by that I decided to pull everything out of my closet and re-organize. But then I got tired of doing that and left this crap all over the floor.

Then I took the kids to the park for two glorious hours. Everyone had a great time. It is warm! And sunny! And things are blooming.

See? No? Well...things are almost blooming.

I came home, thrilled to open the doors to my newly shining floors. When, what should I behold but some kind of....infestation.

It looked like a nest of flying ants had hatched in one corner of the living room and was in the process of migrating to the open window across the (formerly) clean floor.

There were hordes of them. And piles of wings. And couples of them mating. I would show you a picture but I vacuumed them up so fast. Also, I want to spare you the gag reflex. Because I care about you. But let me tell you....It was a swarm! A plague! (pestilence?) Dis. Gusting.

I googled termites. And I diagnosed them as termites (I am nearly flawless in my google diagnoses afterall).

So, you see. That is why I'm sitting here.

On the window seat. With my "Keep calm and carry on" mug from a fabulous friend. I'm here watching for the exterminator. Where is he?? I need him to arrive now, please. I saved him a parking spot.

Have you ever had a real swarm in your house? I don't recommend it. I really can't get down from this window seat. I can't. What if more flying ant/termites of doom have arrived downstairs?

Hey! Look! The annoying dude down the street is kissing his girlfriend by his annoying hot rod car. That punk is so annoying.

Oh man. Rebecca's toenail is peeling off. Guess I have to run. Thanks for waiting here with me. It was a nice little break from The Crazy.

Lone Star State of Mind

2011-04-07T22:05:00.001-04:00

Well, I took my homesick ass back to Austin for a couple days....it was wonderful.

It was worth the delayed/full/crack ass of dawn standby flights. It was worth the fun back spasm I have. It was worth the kids eating way too much sugar and staying up way to late and not napping. Worth it!

While I have memories of visiting my grandparents and canoeing, fishing, swimming, going out in the woods, my kids are going to have memories of going to my parents' house and EATING OUt!

Hell yes! I'm not going to beat around the bush, the restaurants where we live suck. They just suck. Bland food. Boring food. Big chains. No Tex Mex.

So, whenever I'm in Austin I am on a mission: eat out four meals a day! Gain five pounds! Drink yummy margaritas on the rocks with salt! Eat outside! Tamales! Enchiladas! Queso! Ribs! Breakfast tacos!

Ahhh!

The kids actually do lots of other fun things besides eating way too much and needing elastic waisted pants.

My dad got up with them every morning while I slept off my Enchilada hangovers.

They made two pies (blueberry and apple) and they had real tea every morning--complete with real china tea cups and china tea pot and creamer and sugar bowl.

I stood on this dock and just soaked in the sunshine.

I took a deep breath and felt the laid back, quirky atmosphere of Austin. I thought about the crazy hustle and bustle of the east coast.

I realized I just need to learn to take more deep breaths wherever I am.

I need to put on an ill-fitting dress- up dress and an Australian hat, grab a stein of beer and just take a walk.

Homesick

2011-03-31T14:22:00.000-04:00

I'm kind of struggling right now with something. I probably shouldn't write this for the whole world to read. And I probably am just hormonal and pissy and sick of fricking fracking winter and how is it the last day of March and I'm still in boots and a coat and it might snow? And how I haven't seen the sun in two days. And how if I have to get down and scrape up bits of cheese off the floor one more time today I might blow a gasket. I don't know.

I'm going to just put it out there: I still don't feel this is HOME. I have lived here longer for four years now. That's longer than any other place I've lived since I was 18. The longest I've lived anywhere as an adult. And it isn't home. My house feels like home, but the locale just isn't it.

Is this spring fever I'm feeling? Or, is it something bigger?

I feel claustrophobic and harried here. I miss wide open spaces. I miss seeing a breathtaking sunset off over the horizon and the big breath I always take when that happens. I miss big sky. I miss sunsets over lakes. I miss hills and views and vistas and road cuts. I miss rocks. I miss mountains. I miss nature. I miss margaritas and enchiladas. I miss live country/bluesy/folksy music. I miss my family.

I really really miss looking out over the horizon. I miss wildness.

Everything here is so landscaped and developed and crowded and cultivated. And busy. And crowded. Everyone is rushing everywhere. I'm sick of of that feeling. I miss the laid back feeling of being out west. Arizona, Colorado......that deep breath. The mountains on the horizon. The crystalline air. I miss people smiling at me in the grocery store. I miss long stretches of empty highway.

We just watched the movie Crazy Heart and the scenery in that movie almost killed me. I was stricken with homesickness.

I'm just waiting for it to pass. Because, I know. I know. I have a great life here. There is so much to do. So many cultural and educational opportunities. We are within a few hours drive of many different amazing cities. There are lakes. There are mountains within a days' drive. There are friendly people. Things are good. Things really are good. I can't complain. (Except I am).

Wah Wah Wamp.

I don't know.

I just don't.

I am just feeling like a bit of wallowing today I suppose. I have turned all the lights on and made some coffee. I stayed in bed until late, letting the children run rampant throughout the house (see also: cheese bits everywhere). I got up, took a shower, put on makeup, got dressed, got out of the house, went grocery shopping, made dinner......these things all help me stay out of a funk. Its just something that's been gnawing at me for a while now and the feelings just get stronger, not weaker, with time.

We don't HAVE to live here. We could move. It would mean John would have to commute to one or both of his jobs. And we wouldn't see him as much for a few years. We could make a big change. But damn. Then I will probably look back and wish for four nice seasons in a place without cockroaches and within a few hours of the Smithsonian museums and without toddler beauty pageants and not in the Bible belt. I don't know. The grass is always greener, you know.

March Annoys Me

2011-03-30T21:34:00.001-04:00

I really hate March (or when in Alaska substitute May here). It is a teasing little bitch that March. It's freaking COLD still. And I want some new shoes to wear with my jeans and winter jackets and all Target has is sandals. I mean, come on!!!! It is 35 degrees. I can't wear sandals, people.

I'm sick of winter. Stop teasing me, March.

Little One

2011-03-26T19:16:00.001-04:00

I sold the snot-infested couches that came with the house. And now my kids have to watch TV from this. The makeshift.

See that boy? He is two and a half now. He is prone to ear infections and being the "snot factory"...see also: snot-infested couches some poor, unsuspecting soul bought from us. He is able to entertain himself, unlike some people (*cough cough* Becca). He is small for his age and he curls up on my lap in an impossibly small little ball. He wraps his arms around my neck and hugs me. He is reliable. Steady. A bit OCD. He's my easy child. He sleeps when I put him to bed. The
5 year old wakes me up many more nights than he ever does, which makes me completely crazy. He sleeps until 7 am for chrissakes. I never understand a word he says. He is a shitty eater--not so much picky as just....not interested. He talks about his big "muh muhs" (muscles) while flexing. He loves watching the Disney Cars movie and would be truly happy with just his Cars figures as his only toys. He plays with them for hours on end. He shocks me when he let's me choose his clothes and doesn't protest when it is time to leave the house. I am taken aback by how different two children can be!

And, speaking of such, I need to
Get these kids in bed before Earth hour starts, because I have a date with a candle and a glass of Bailey's!

Mawwiage

2011-03-17T20:41:00.001-05:00

I performed a wedding today. Rebecca loved the whole thing but then said, "except the groom? I don't know about him....."

Redecorating. Again.

2011-03-14T13:57:00.001-05:00

One of the side effects of being a full-time mom (I refuse to use the term "stay at home mom" because it isn't accurate and has a connotation of laziness to boot), is that I spend hours a day contemplating my surroundings. And I am never satisfied.

Don't worry! I'm not going to be painting anything again ever. (Until maybe next month. No. No. Stop me. Don't let me paint!)

This time I'm getting a piano. Well, I'm TRYING to get a piano, but so far all I'm doing is scaring myself on craigslist and driving all over looking at gross old out of tune pianos in old ladies' parlors. (fun fact: autocorrect does NOT like the word 'parlors' and keeps changing it to 'paroles.' What does this say about autocorrect, hmmmmm?)

(Also: my thumbs hurt.)

(Where was I?)

Pianos. I want one. But I don't want an ugly one. I don't want a fancy one. I don't want one with stuck keys or one that is so out of tune it is impossible to fix. And so help me God I do not want a yellow one with that 1970s look.

(omg. Mobile blogging is hard! My thumbs are cramping up!)

Long story short. Family room is becoming piano room. And
I sold the snot-covered couches to some poor schmuck who is in for a nice viral surprise! And now I'm measuring and moving things and going to every furniture store in town (again)....and I've come to a rather sad observation. I think re-decorating is my hobby.

(Toodles! Gotta save my thumbs for future piano playing.)

Have I finally joined the current century....

2011-03-13T06:49:00.001-05:00

I don't want to speak too soon, but I may have finally figured out how to post actual blog entries from my phone.....which is.....life changing for me.

Really just about everything about my phone has been life changing.....even how crazy autocorrect makes me. It's shit. Okay? Not shut. Not shot. Just shit.

I am not sure if it was Facebook or the iPhone that killed the blogging star, but something did for sure. Maybe now that I have figured this out, my life will change one more time.

Anyhoo. Here I am. Blogging. On my phone!

I'm back, peeps!

Speaking of life changing--here we are on the first morning of Daylight Savings Time and I am out of my winter funk. It started in October with "falling back". God, I hate falling back. Just a week before the kids had started sleeping til 7:30. Then suddenly WHAMMo. More light in the mornings and they were waking up at the crack of dawn and it was painful for a month. Then, winter set in and everyone got sick a hundred times and I got dejected and started googling houses for sale in the carribean.

But, you see....now that is all a distant memory because we have righted that wrong by springing forward. Andrew is still in his bed at 7:45 am! It will be light out at dinner time. Summer is on it's way.....

Evolution

2011-03-06T20:13:00.000-05:00

I was drifting back through the archives wanting to find that one entry about when Becca had a 104 fever and was talking about cookies. How did she pronounce "cookies" at 18 months? I couldn't remember, but I knew I had blogged about it.

I looked at page after page of antics, indecisions, daily life as a new mom in a new town. I seemed so young and so clueless. And yet, I was 32 with a kid. I wasn't THAT young and clueless. But damn. I have AGED disproportionately in the past couple years. I've aged more than 4 years. I've aged a good 12. I'm not even talking about the sagging eyelids (that's new this year!), the wrinkles, the age spots, the gray hairs. I'm talking about INTERNALLY. I've aged. I know it is so obnoxious when people in their 30s talk about being old and where are their dentures, ha ha ha. Because, clearly, I'm not a senior citizen yet. And I don't exactly feel like one. But I feel so....so...grown up. I feel like early motherhood has put the smack down on me. The not sleeping, the never, EVER getting anything done EVER, the constant gnawing anxiety and worry...especially about things that haven't even happened yet....like teenagers. (I know! IT IS GOING TO GET WORSE! I HAVE HEARD!)

I don't have that light, carefree feeling anymore. I don't just drift where the wind blows me wondering where the hell I am. I have tried to get a grip. I've gotten the much-yearned-for routine. I am on a schedule. Sure, I can still blow it off when I want (it's only preschool! Who cares if she skips a week?) But, really.....I'm getting tied down. I am unable to sit around aimlessly and complain to the Internet so much. I feel like I'm always running, always doing, always being productive.

And y'all. You'll never guess what.

I'm happier.

I know. I know. I can't believe it either. I'm more settled. More in the groove of this parenting thing. I definitely don't have shit figured out at all, but I feel like I've been through the damn ringer so continuously for the past 5 years that I'm kind of getting used to the ringer....oh look! What a nice little patina that ringer has on it over there. It is so comforting.....pretty ringer....

I'm thinking about my life more. What I want to do. Where I want to go. Who I want to be. How I want my kids to be. I'm not just getting tossed in the waves and battered up against the shoals quite so much. I'm paddling. Hard.

Rug Rat Race

2011-02-22T08:28:00.002-05:00

I don't understand why I feel so busy. I know just about everyone else in the world is busier than I am. All I have to do is raise two kids. I don't have a paid-outside-the-home job. I'm pretty good at saying "No." And yet, I either overschedule myself or I overestimate how much I can do. Bottom line: I am never on top of things.

I had one of those mornings last weekend. Between all the travelling I've been doing (Minnesota, Florida, Texas in a three week time period) I feel I haven't had much down time at home. So on Saturday, I declared we were going to stay in all day! I was going to clean the house. Do the laundry. Call a plumber and the cable company. That's it! Simple!

But, the kids started fighting and whining and crying and following me around fighting and whining and crying. I started movie after movie for them. I got out the play doh and crayons. I popped popcorn for them. I would sneak upstairs and try to fold a load of laundry, or change some sheets and next thing I knew, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! He took my toy! That's mine! WAAAAAH. MOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYY? Where are you? Waaaaaah! OOOOOOWWWWW. I dropped a toy on my foot. WAAAAaaaah!

When I was on the phone with the plumber, both kids were SCREAMING and crying. I locked myself in my bedroom to finish the call. When I opened the bedroom door, two sobbing kids fell into the room. I would finally get one little task accomplished upstairs only to come down to find play doh scattered across two rooms, popcorn scattered across four rooms, breakfast smeared across the table and all four chairs, and every toy pulled out of everywhere. Two screaming/crying kids and a dirty diaper.

Geez. Why can't I keep up? That's why.

(The worst part of the WHOLE story is that the following morning, John was home. And the kids just played contentedly in the basement, leaving us alone on the couch, watching TV in peace! He thinks that is how my daily life is!)

The Year Eating Better Became Eating Unhealthier

2011-01-07T14:59:00.000-05:00

I decided to make good on my resoultion. This week, I planned some menu ideas. I searched through Pioneer Woman's recipes, I watched Rachael Ray and Bobby Flay. I learned that I never knew how to make an omelette. You're supposed to cook the eggs on BOTH sides before you add the filling. Did you know that? I'm sure you did. It seems totally obvious NOW THAT I KNOW THAT. No wonder mine never EVER turned out right. Not that it turned out right this time either. I flipped the egg circle over and only half flipped and the other half splatted...but it was still better than before.

So. That was cool.

I settled on making these spicy lemon garlic shrimp that I'm going to pair with these green chili cheese grits and green beans one night this week.

I'm also going to do twice-baked potatoes this way. Looks heavenly. I'll pair that with some tilapia and broccoli. Although, I am still looking for a good, fun, new way to cook the tilapia. Maybe some kind of panko bread crumbs!?

And, that's as far as my dinner planning went.

I went to the grocery store with my list and the grocery circular and all the sale items duly noted. And then upon checking out I remembered why I quit cooking such delectable dishes. THE DAMN COST. If I had just stuck to my usual boring routine, I would be 50 dollars richer. That's what. Screw you, New Year's Resolution! I don't want to get back to adventurous cooking while ON A BUDGET. My grocery budget doesn't include fresh overpriced winter herbs and fresh lemons.

And those shrimp are pricey little bitches. And I'm sure they're oil-tainted too. I'm sure glad I didn't resolve to eat healthier, because clearly that ain't happening!

It's a true Middle Class Sob Story.

But, damn. Can't wait to get cooking!

Resolved: Leave the Mommy Cooking Behind

2011-01-02T13:20:00.000-05:00

Last Year's Resoultion: Get photos under control. Score: F-. Didn't do one single damn thing about any photo at all. Not even sure if I printed a single photo I took. Instead, I continued taking photos at a rapid fire rate until March, when I got my iPhone. That has curtailed it considerably. Now I just whip it out (AHH!) and document the daily stuff on the phone. I only use the camera for REAL occasions. Which means I really didn't take too many photos this year. Unless you count the 243654 on my phone. But I don't count them. Because they are bad quality.

I am now resolving FOR LIFE to only make FUN resolutions. Seriously. Otherwise I will FAIL. FAIL FAIL FAIL at non-fun resolutions. Because, really....who wants to sort through hundreds of thousands of disorganized photos!? Who wants to figure which ones to print? And put them in albums? NOT ME.

So, I am all in favor of resolutions like, "I'm going to see more movies!" Or "I'm going to drink a different beer from a different country every week!" Or "I'm going to hire a housekeeper!" No more excercise or organizing resolutions for me!

This year: I am going to get back to fun cooking! Before we had kids I COOKED. I cooked new and interesting recipes. I watched Food Network nonstop! I LOVED it. I turned on the news, poured a glass of wine, lit a few candles and COOKED. Every night! (Okay. Not every night. Only on the nights when we weren't out enjoying a fun night out on the town--footloose and fancy free!)

Then, I had a baby. Then another. Then suddenly dinner time was that awful time of day when everyone was hanging on my legs and wailing and it was all I could do to just down a glass of wine and lock myself in the bathroom for a 2 minute breather. Cooking something fabulous was totally not a possibility.

Then, slowly, ever so slowly, I realized my repertoire of recipes had dwindled down to: tacos, pasta, smoked turkey sausage, taco soup, shepherd's pie and church basement noodle casseroles...maybe an occasional half-ass attempt at salmon or enchiladas. A couple times I year I would bust out with an old standby or a new fun recipe....but the next day it was back to frozen chicken nuggets.

"I'll never become one of these moms who just cooks stuff her kids eat! I'll never be one of those moms who makes a separate meal for my kids because they don't like the grownup food." Oh yes. You know you said it too. And you know you LIE. You totally DO and you totally WILL.

I know how it happened. John is gone about half the week. So, on the nights he isn't home, I don't want to spend two hours cooking something awesome, only to have the kids spit it out and say "Pleh! Ew! Disgusting!" So, to avoid that, I just make mac n cheese for them and I have a salad. Or a beer. On nights John is home, I usually cook better, but over time, my list of dishes shrank. Again, I didn't want to hear "GROSS!" from the kids.

"Remember that vodka pasta you used to make?" John asked me last week. How could I forget? We LOVED it. It was one of my old standbys....haven't made it in 5 years. What about that curry chicken with almonds? That was good. Remember when I used to just look in Southern Living and just TRY a new recipe? I don't either. How SAD. SAD SAD SAD. I am ashamed of myself.

The kids are old enough now that I can just tell them to get out of the kitchen and do something. Or, more often, they want to help me cook. I have no excuse other than I have fallen out of the habit of adventurous cooking! I am jumping back in. They can eat it. Or they can say "Disgusting!" and eat a piece of bread and an apple. Either way. I'm doing it for me.

Now. If I could just think of where to start.

Now What?

2010-12-26T15:47:00.001-05:00

How was your Christmas? I hope it was merry! Ours was merry. Yes. It really was. After all the hoopla that caused me to pen the following ditty.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me

one strep infection

two snotty noses

one stomach virus

one ruptured ear drum

three doctor visits

one minute clinic

two antbiotics

two cancelled house guests

one cancelled dinner

working on Christmas

and an allover body rash.......

Somehow, through force of will, we managed to pull off a fun Christmas for the kids. Rebecca got her first American Girl doll, Felicity.

That means I have one more person to dress in the morning and to put in her pjs at night. But aren't they cute?

There was also a toy piano, a big horse, zhu zhu pets, a toy dog academy and lots of other excess and fun.

Andrew got a bag to put on his head. He was happy.

John got an iPad and a fun allergic reaction to amoxicillin.

Now I am realizing just how busy and amped up I have been since mid-November. I suddenly am faced with the realization that I don't have any big thing to be doing/planning/stressing about. And, I must say....it is kind of disconcerting. And kind of nice.....

Season's Barfings.....

2010-12-23T10:21:00.000-05:00

Well, it is December again. And you know what that means! The annual stomach bug! Never misses a December! Little fucker.

Andrew has been screaming for days and I know it is his ears. I've taken him to a minute clinic where the lady said she couldn't get a good view of his ears. So, then I took him to our ped's office, but only Bad Santa Ped was in and he told me it is just a new behavior. No. No, it isn't. I know when my kid's in pain. And now, two days later there is dried blood coming out of his ear.

John has a head cold. I just spent the last 15 hours in bed with a lovely stomach bug.

Merry Christmas, y'all~

It is a December to Remember, but not quite how I planned it!

Looks like the old saying held true "Whatever you are doing on New Year's Day is what you'll be doing the rest of the year." With FOUR stomach viruses this year, I'd say it was true. Damn.

Dispatch from a Lazy Housekeeper

2010-12-16T08:10:00.001-05:00

After my first big bombshell of 2010: (I don't fold the children's clothes in their drawers) I have been looking around for more such ideas. Ideas that make an annoying task less annoying. Today, I have a little tidbit that will change your life! I promise! At least, if your life is like mine and your mornings (and afternoons and evenings) involve something called children.
Don't run your dishwasher after dinner. Wait until after breakfast.

*Cue the chorus of angels!*

Did you hear me? I said don't run your dishwasher until morning!!!

Life changing, I tell you. Try it.

I HATE unloading the dishwasher. HATE IT. I think I hate it more than just about any other household chore, except mopping and putting away laundry. But still. HATE. And you have to do it all the damn time with kids and their five milliion annoying sippy cups and plastic bowls.

I used to run my dishwasher at night and somehow didn't make time to unload it in the morning (see also: kids whining and demanding twelve different breakfasts, trying to get clothes, shoes and jackets on three people, trying to check Facebook for chrissakes.) My kitchen was always a disgusting mess after breakfast and on most days we are running out the door before I can get it cleaned up. There is nothing so demoralizing as coming in around lunchtime to a nasty gross kitchen and a dishwasher full of dishes that need to be unloaded.

Now I can throw all the breakfast dishes in the washer, and start it up! Sometimes if it is empty enough I even wait until after lunch to run it! Ooooh. Scandalous!

At dinner time I am more relaxed and ready to handle the unloading because usually there is some wine involved (and not as much whine.)

Give it a whirl! Let me know what you think! I'm off to slack off on housekeeping chores while making it look like I'm doing something. Toodles!

Do You Eat on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?

2010-12-13T06:34:00.000-05:00

Now that we're all Type A-ed out. Let's move on, shall we? Let's obsess about something new.

This year we are opening all our presents and doing the whole Christmas thing a day early on the 24th. John's airline schedule is really in control of our lives. He goes on reserve on Christmas Eve Day. So, he may or may not be here on Christmas or even the day after. While I do love the bennies (hello free travel!), this isn't my favorite part.

But, my mom's mom, My Nana, who passed away on January 1 of this year at the age of 100, taught us this: "It is not WHEN you celebrate, it is THAT you celebrate!"

So, who cares if we open our gifts and stockings 24 hours before the rest of the country?

Not me.

Although, I'm wondering just what we should DO with ourselves ON Christmas Day, should John still be home.....I guess we'd better buy a few more toys for the kids to open, because there won't be anything else to do but stay home and play with our toys! Maybe I'd better throw in another one for John as well.

This year, John's mom and stepfather are coming in on the 23rd. I am planning our big meal for that night (essentially our Christmas Eve). I am looking forward to all of it, especially since we don't have to rush out for church because it is only the 23rd! I'm making a ham. I would make JoAnne's macaroni and cheese, but since she'll be on the airplane during prep time, I can't attempt it alone. It always turns out wrong. Always. Unless she makes it. I guess we'll have mashed or scalloped potatoes. And green beans. And some kind of yummy salad--with pomegranate seeds maybe? And some homemade rolls. And maybe a dark chocolate kahlua cake for dessert....

As a kid, I don't remember having turkey at Christmas. Or did we? I can't really remember the food from the early years. We didn't really have a set meal. I remember roast beef, hams and some crown roast thingy with the paper chef hat looking deals on the bones (what is that thing called?!) We started eating tamales on Christmas Day at some point. I loved that tradition. And cranberry bread on Christmas morning. John's mom always had lasagna on Christmas Day and we did fondue on Christmas Eve for many years. My own family never really had exact dishes or meals that had to accompany any given holiday. But I seem to be forging my own opinions on the matter. Christmas has to be ham for me. I don't feel ready to handle another turkey so soon after Thanksgiving! Reaching down into the still half- frozen body cavity to find some nasty packets of organs. No, thank you. A nice little packet of brown sugar glaze? Yes, please.

And I never can figure out when to eat the big Christmas meal. Christmas Day? Christmas Eve? Definitely can't handle both. And church always throws a giant wrench into Christmas Eve planning. It seems no matter how you plan it, Christmas Eve is a big thrash to the finish. All my hopes of a beautiful calm dinner are tossed out the window. Then, after all the presents are open on Christmas, it seems like a let down. But I don't really want to cook all day on Christmas either....

So, what do you do?

Anxiety, The Holidays and Me

2010-12-08T14:59:00.000-05:00

I've been working on my December Action Plan. And here's the bottom line. I have experienced just as much stress and anxiety as any other year, but just experienced it two to three weeks earlier. I have been running like a maniac nonstop since mid-to-late November. Things have now slowed down and I do feel like I have a grip on Christmas. I should be able to calmly and quiety bake cookies with the kids. But for the last two weeks I have been a FREAK and have totally ignored them and let them watch nonstop TV and haven't played with them, and have been running in circles. I've been having near anxiety attacks at least once a day about various unimportant details. I've been forgetting everything, running helter skelter, yelling at people who are driving too slow. But I haven't been doing it during the days right before Christmas.

So, is that really any different? I'm not sure.

After hosting Thanksgiving, taking a trip (by myself! WOOT WOOT!) to see John out west, doing five million choir concerts, attending John's work Christmas party, hosting Becca's 5th birthday party, ordering and filling out and mailing Christmas cards, buying, packing and mailing out of town Christmas presents, buying all my local presents, getting and decorating the tree, and decorating the house I am WORN THE FUCK OUT, people. I have been going a million miles an hour, running in circles, being so super productive at all moments. It is exhausting being Type A. It really is.

But, my action plan is still in place. Minus the clean house. That is just so unrealistic I want to punch myself in the face for even writing that down. But now....NOW. Finally, (after another choir concert tonight)....I should be able to slow down and enjoy. I hope to make gingerbread men and a gingerbread house. I hope to bake cookies to deliver to the neighbors. I hope to wrap presents with Christmas music playing. I hope that I remember to buy some Bailey's.

And most of all, I hope my Christmas wish comes true. I want to become Type B by New Year's Day.

Action Plan Update: Middle of the Night Edition

2010-11-16T06:32:00.001-05:00

Here it is, 5 a.m. The time I get up every day now thanks to the jackass who decided turning clocks back was such a good idea. My damn kid wakes up at 5 a.m. ON THE DAMN DOT every morning. And I am such a freak (guess it is inherited) that I can't go back to sleep once I know she's awake. So, she is playing in her room, but every little bump makes me seethe and cringe. I have tried it all and she just won't sleep later. It has been 10 days or so since the time change and I'm not giving in. She isn't napping. She goes to bed at usual time and is just up. In what feels like the middle of the night. And so am I. My adrenal glands are about to shut down from caffeine overload.

But, the good news (if it is really possible to think positive thoughts at 5 a.m.) is that I am getting lots done on my December preparations. I am doing well on purchasing Christmas presents. Although, now I have to really fight the urge to keep adding to them. I am trying not to go crazy and just give people one small(ish) thing and be done with it. I've hidden the gifts in two places (or so.) I've kept all the receipts. I've been trying to keep the house clean. I was doing SO well for about three days. Then I took half a day off and the entire thing descended into chaos that fast.

John's stepmom, Jane, is arriving today to watch the kids for a few days while I get to go visit John on his TDY in Arizona. I am so excited to get a few days to myself and with him! It is beyond glorious. Beyond. Really there are no words. I am amazed that Jane volunteered for this. Just amazed! (Especially since she knows about the 5 a.m. thing.)

However, my To-Do list has been OUT OF CONTROL, people. I've been functioning like an energizer bunny on crack with a whip and a double espresso. I've gotten TONS done and yet it seems like the list just keeps growing. Who is doling out the To-Do list fertilizer? STOP! It is polluting everything!

I am just telling myself that I will rest once I get on the plane. Right? I will, right? Either that or my mind will just continually keep whirring. Please God I hope not. I'll probably just go into full body shut down mode at some point, my head on some stranger's shoulder drooling and twitching, moaning things like "Don't forget to buy cheese cloth!"

Who Me? Overthink Things? Commence Action Plan: December to Remember!

2010-11-11T20:43:00.000-05:00

Every year I have the same fantasy sequence on repeat in my brain. Christmas......December....nothing but peace and sparkling lights and clean rooms with candlelight and Christmas carols and kahlua in my cocoa sitting by a warm fire. Presents all wrapped. Things all taken care of. Fresh baked cookies on a tray. Nice warm pot roast in the oven. Shiny. Bright. Peaceful. Calm. (Damn you, Hallmark and your unattainable goals!)

And every year.....you know the drill. Last minute errands, going broke, stressing out, slapping shit together and calling it a gift, rushing higgledy piggeldy everywhere. Trash filling up the backseat of my car. My feet sticking to the kitchen floor. Receipts lost, presents lost, standing in line at a crowded postal counter, screaming at idiots in mall parking lots. It doesn't help that December is my busiest choir month and Becca's birthday and lots of houseguests and Christmas all slapped into one freaking crazy-tastic month. It is always a big thrash to the finish. And I'm always relieved when its over.

This year, dammit, I am making my own dream come true. I am doing it. When the calendar rolls over to December 1, I will have nothing on my agenda but the scheduled concerts, parties, etc. That is enough to keep my plenty busy. And the rest of the time will be time for me to spend with my kids and my husband and my friends and my family. Just enjoying them. Making real cookies this year. With cookie cutters. I will have a Christmas Eve that doesn't involve ten million different things. I want to just sit. And relax. And enjoy the tree and the lights and the company. I will have all the Santa stuff assembled and the presents wrapped ahead of time. I will have the Christmas cards written, printed, addressed and stamped early. I will have all the presents boxed and ready to mail early. I will. I may have a giant migraine by December 1, but I am going to do it. Just because I'm not five anymore, doesn't mean I can't have a magical Christmas, too.

There are a couple complications. First, I'm going out of town next week, second I'm hosting Thanksgiving here (for four out of town family members and a dog), and thirdly, I'm a procrastinator. So, here is my plan. Five unbreakable rules. I may have totally failed myself on the New Year's Resolutions for 2010 but I am going to finish strong with the November and December 2010 Action Plan.

1. First, and most importantly, I am going to stay on top of the house work. I am not letting it all fall to shit this year. Because, nothing irritates me more than a crazy messy house. Piles of papers sliding off the kitchen counter just ruin a good holiday baking session, or a nice snowy morning. RUIN IT! So, I am going to just not let down my guard. I may be exhausted by December 25, but I will have a clean house to be exhausted in. This also means I have to keep my Household ADD in check. I will finish the dishes before I drag all the wrapping paper out and strew it around everywhere. I will put the laundry away before I rush out to buy stocking stuffers. I realize this is like a lifestyle thing. Sometimes I will fall off the wagon, but I just have to get back up and be on top of it 80% of the time. I also scheduled my twice yearly cleaning to be done right before Thanksgiving...that will help. My sanity will already be in check if I just stick to Rule number 1.

2. I am concentrating on Christmas first, instead of Thanksgiving. This seems counterintuitive, but I think it will actually work for me. If I get all the Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving, then I will just HAVE to fit the Thanksgiving planning and prep in at some point. But, if I wait until I get the Turkey stuff complete, then I will have run out of time to do December stuff before December. So I can tell you what I want to buy people for Christmas, but I have no freaking clue what I'm serving on Thanksgiving. I would rather whip Thanksgiving out at the last minute than try to do that with Christmas. And Thanksgiving if actually my favorite holiday of the year. I am so looking forward to it!

2. The Internet. I am ordering as many gifts as possible online. Even though I often end up paying shipping (and sometimes twice because I send it to myself and then send it back out to others), I can at least shop around for the best price at my leisure, rather than with two squabbling kids dangling off a shopping cart and running off down the toy aisle. I figure I actually save money overall, not to mention sanity.

3. It is okay to give up on some things. Though I love getting letters from people, I feel like most of my peeps are caught up on my minutae of my life via Facebook.I may not write a Christmas letter. But, then again, I may still do it. I did buy the paper already, so I guess it can't hurt to churn out a few paragraphs. But I will let things that stress me out go. Just go. It will be okay.

4. I will stay organized. I will keep receipts in the one file in my kitchen labeled "Receipts 2010." I will keep all gifts in one area. Okay, two areas. Okay, three areas. All gifts are in three areas. Damn. This is already getting away from me. Because really it is four areas if you count the trunk of my car where one of Becca's birthday presents is hidden under jackets....

5. I will not give up. I will make this a December to Remember. Just you wait and see......

In Which I Complicate Everything, and Yet Simplify It

2010-10-12T21:33:00.000-04:00

I was watching SNL....and the opening credits show the actors doing various leisure activities in NYC at night. Taxis driving by, people standing in line at clubs, people standing around drinking with their friends, people loitering aimlessly on dark streets, people playing games. Just standing around outside at 2 a.m. smiling. Aimless. Not a care in the world.

And I thought, this looks NOTHING like my life. Don't those people need to get to bed? Don't they have stuff they need to be doing? Why aren't they at home scraping dried yogurt off the bottom of their kitchen table? Or sleeping? Making lists of what they have to do tomorrow? Don't they have to get up early the next day? What is wrong with those people? Where are their purses?

********

After my last post, I decided to get a grip on a portion of my life. I was imagining in my head how I would treat my job if I had been hired to do it. And I realized that I would do things TOTALLY differently if I had been hired and had a boss in my job of "Full Time Mom."

I need some sort of SYSTEM. I have been working on a system of piles for years now. Just put it in a general area, in a general pile and hope you find it again. It kind of works, but it is frustrating and I usually don't have that Toys R Us coupon on the day I happen to stop at the store. And I forget five of the things I needed to get at Target and I forget to pay the Home Owners Association bill and get a scary letter in the mail about what they are going to do to me.

I mean, how hard can this be? I have juggled more paperwork in various jobs without losing anything. In fact, I was always super organized and things were always done right and done on time. Maybe it is time to start treating my daily life as I used to treat my other jobs.

So, I decided to approach it from more of a career perspective. I bought a lovely black leather day planner. It is huge. And it zips all the way around. And did I ever love spending a few minutes in the Staples aisle picking it out. (Office supplies, will you marry me?) So, in that day planner is a calendar, to-do lists, coupons, bank deposit envelopes, various invitations, important hand-outs for kid things, pens, post-it notes, bills I need to pay, etc.

My plan is to get everything organized the night before, complete with a post-it note detailing the next day's events and things I have to get done.

Here is everything, all packed up and ready to go for tomorrow. Complete with post-it note reminding me to put the stroller in the car and to pack some sippy cups, and day planner zipped up and in the diaper bag.

Ahh. I love that sight. It makes me feel calm. Very calm.

Now I can relax.

But, my life still seems a million light years away from those people standing on dark city streets, fluffing their hair and laughing as they seem to have nothing on their agendas and nothing better to be doing.

Lazy Type A. It is a real thing. I promise.

2010-10-10T21:33:00.002-04:00

Do y'all spend a lot of time thinking about your life and whether you are doing the right thing? Because I do. I spend HOURS a day examining every detail of my life. Why I FEEL this way. Why I feel THAT way. Why I do THIS. Why I do THAT. Wondering how other people do things. My GOD! Why can't I just relax?

(Did you notice that? Now I'm analyzing why I spend so much time analyzing.)

I'm a freak. Case closed.

*******

But seriously.

Really.

Why can't I relax?

I can SLACK OFF like a fucking CHAMP.I'm a MASTER SLACKER. But I am not RELAXED. In fact, quite the contrary. I am far from relaxed. I'm on the couch, stuffing my face with Goldfish, feet propped up, magazine in my lap....DVR on.... but my mind is whirling with continual to-do lists and questions and anxieties. I'm not accomplishing anything. But I'm not relaxing. It is more like I'm procrastinating and avoiding things, which actually causes more stress than you would think.

I can spend 20 minutes taking an online quiz about life strengths and yet, can't seem to get up and write out those bills and those thank-you notes, not to mention cleaning the bathrooms or folding the laundry or doing the dishes or the grocery shopping or the cooking or taking out the trash or emptying the diaper pail or painting the walls, or getting two years of photos printed or getting library books returned or making sure children have had baths, and shoes that fit and the flower beds have been weeded and the sheets changed and the floors vaccumed and birthday cards mailed and myself to the gym and showered and so many people I haven't talked to and I need to make phone calls and I need a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment and the babysitters need to be contacted. Then, I'll trudge off to bed and lay there stressing out about how much I have to do, and how behind I am getting and how annoying that is.... and why didn't I do any of it? Jesus.

Sometimes I think it is just because of the nature of my "job." The whole "You can work on it all day and night and it never gets done because there are two little people interfering and it is the same shit day in and day out so why bother cleaning it up" thing. Or, is could be my new Adult Onset ADD thing. Or it could be the fact that I'm not very internally motivated. I am bothered by chaos, but not motivated enough to do anything about it unless my boss is making me do it. (See Also: two small children who make me do a lot of shit!) Or, is it just because I don't LIKE doing the things that need doing? Or maybe I'm just lazy.

*******

Welcome to my brain. Pull up a chair and stay awhile.

Two

2010-09-26T23:45:00.001-04:00

He wakes up and plays in his crib, with his trucks, cars, stuffed Panda from the National Zoo and books. Except for when he yells for his family, "Mommmma, Daddddaaaa, Bubbbba!"

He loves backpacks. He finds random bags around the house and wants them on his back. He also loves hats. Give him a hat and a backpack and that kid is happy. Throw in a fire truck, a Thomas the train engine and a matchbox car and all is right with the world.

He calls his blanket his "Nigh Nigh." He loves the Barney episode where Baby Bop loses her blankie and cries. "Nigh Nigh! Uh-oh! Waaaaah," he pretends to cry along with Baby Bop.

He doesn't eat much for breakfast or lunch, but can eat an adult-sized portion of dinner. He doesn't have much of a sweet tooth. He may leave his popsicle, half-eaten, or half a cookie at his place to run off and play "Cuck cucks." (Trucks).He does love candy, though, and calls it "Yi Yis" which is (sort of) what Becca used to say as she made her gummy princess vitamins talk to each other. But it stuck, and he thinks his vitamin is candy and that, and all others, are now called "Yi Yis."

When the garbage or the recycling truck comes by he RUNS to the front door. And after it drives off he says, "Uh oh. Cuck Cuck! Cuck Cuck go?" He is always asking where something/somebody went. "Mama go?" "Dada go?" "Bubba go?"

When I try to get him to say "Becca" instead of "Bubba" he ends up saying "Bec-pack." He mostly goes with the flow. He gets tossed in the car and dragged all around. He doesn't protest unless he gets loaded in the car without Becca. Then he will just point at her empty carseat and exclaim "Uh oh! Bubba go?" over and over.

He is suspicious of women, especially young women who may be babysitters. He likes to hang out with guys. When his dad bought a new TV and hung it on the wall, Andrew plopped himself down on the couch, pointed a the TV and exclaimed "Put Ball!" (Football).

He kind of enjoys cleaning. He uses his napkin at dinner. When you tell him it is bed time, he will run around and pick up his toys.

He is sweet, smart and observant. Happy Birthday to our little boy! We now officially have a two-year old!

The Last Day of Summer

2010-09-12T07:20:00.000-04:00

I woke up to Andrew yelling "MOMMMMMMYYYYYY!" this morning at 6:15. Well, actually, I woke up at 5:30 when John's alarm went off. Then again at 5:55 when John dropped something loud in the bathroom. Then again at 6:07 when John gave me a hug and kiss and left for work. So, I got out of bed and went to talk to Andrew. I told him to be quiet and play in his bed. And then I ate some cookies, made some coffee and turned on the laptop.

And, would you believe it? He is just playing in his bed. Quietly. Becca would never have done that in a million years at that age. Andrew is pretty easy. He's an easy kid at this point. He just kind of wants to hang out and do what everyone else is doing. He cuddles. He sleeps through the night almost without fail. He goes to sleep by himself without screaming. He plays by himself. He basically just goes with the flow.

Becca is a more independent (....er...or is that co-dependent?) spirit. She wants to be the boss. She wants to be The Decider. And she wants YOU to be her continual and constant companion. She wants YOU to just shut up and say "Okay, Becca! Whatever you say!" Do mah bidding! She wants to be in charge, but not by herself. She doesn't like to play by herself at all, ever. You are not allowed to go to the bathroom unescorted. You are not allowed to sneak up the stairs (silently, on your toes, avoiding that creaky step) to try to get dressed in peace. And you also better think of ten fun things to do before 9 a.m. or else she will follow you around talking to you about all the things she wants to do.

Let's make a bird feeder! Mom! Can we make a bird feeder today? Oh! I KNOW! I want to make that jewellry tree I saw in that book. Do you have some branches and some plaster of paris? Hey Mom! Can I please pull out all your jewellry and try it on? Mom? MO-OOOM? Plllllleeeeeease? Can I try on all your jewellry and have a jewellry fashion show and can you be the audience and you sit over there and I'm going to dress up in my princess dresses. Mom? Where are the dresses? Mom? Please? Why not? Pleeeeeease? I promise I won't lose anything. Mom? MOM! I said I wanted to make a bird feeder. Where's the bird seed? Can we go to to Home Depot and get bird seed? Do you have a pot I can paint for my jewellry tree? Mom! MOOOOO-OOOOM! Can I have some gum?

She's interested in the world. She also knows the art of Wearing Down Mom. She knows it really well. She has a degree in WDM.

She finally goes back to school tomorrow. Well, only for an hour WITH the parents, but still. She has been doing this for years now, thanks to her late birthday. She looks like a 6 year old going to preschool. I think we could just drop her off at this point. But anyway, the third year of preschool is FINALLY going to begin, since it is practically CHRISTMAS at this point. Everyone else has been in school for WEEKS now. I might as well just put SNOW BOOTS on her for her first day of school since it is practically WINTER before it starts.

I'm going to do some fun stuff with the kids today.....this rainy Sunday.....the last day before Back to School (ha ha ha! AN HOUR! WHO AM I FOOLING??)

Plea for Help: I'm Raising an Enigma

2010-09-04T06:02:00.005-04:00

I need advice and I need it YESTERDAY. I know I've complained about this before, and I apologize, but here we go again.

I have largely taken away Becca's naps. She would still nap just about every day, but in an attempt to have a normal bed time and in an ill-fated hope that she will sleep in a bit, she's stopped napping. She takes about one nap a week at this point. She goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:30. Last night she was asleep right before 8:00--after playing for hours and even swimming before bed.

And damn, if she still isn't awake at the crack of dawn. Some days it may go as late as 6:23. Most days it is around 6 a.m. Today it was 5:30. FIVE-THIRTY!???? And I'm PISSED. I can't take 5:30. Even though she will just get up and play quietly in her room, I just can't believe that is good for her to be up that early.

I forced her to turn off her light and get back in bed this morning. She was WAILING. She wanted to get UP. She's NOT TIRED. She MISSES HER DADDY. She CAN'T close her eyes. I tried rubbing her back. I tried lullabies. I tried turning on her music. I tried yelling at her to stay in bed and stay quiet until her alarm clock turns green (at 6:25) or SO HELP ME GOD.

What else can I do? Do I have to start keeping her awake until 9 at night? I just don't think that is healthy for her. I don't think that is enough sleep. Do I just go back to naps more regularly? (Which will lead to bedtime wars). Do I just start making her run laps around the block until she collapses from exhaustion? Do I put her to bed at 6:30 p.m.? Something isn't right. I feel like this is partly just her, but I also feel like I'm not figuring out how to manage her sleep needs, either.

I know why this happened, by God. Yes, I do. Just yesterday I was telling my friends, "Oh. Things have gotten SO much easier for me lately. The kids are just growing up so well and they have become so much more low maintenance. Life just keeps getting easier." Rookie mistake. Maybe if I just shut my trap, my problem will magically disappear?

In Which I Showcase My Lack of Focus

2010-09-03T07:48:00.007-04:00

Preschool still hasn't started yet over here. In fact, it isn't even starting next week. We don't start until Sept. 13. Is my kid the last kid in the entire world to start school this fall? Is this the longest summer on record? Or is it just me?

So, we re-did our front living room, making it into a grown-up TV room. A sectional, two chairs, an ottoman, TV mounted on the wall, nice comfy rug. It is wonderful. John doesn't run off to the basement anymore to watch TV. We both end up in there at night. The family room is now completely overtaken by toys. I don't even bother cleaning them up anymore. Andrew's diaper leaked on the couch in there yesterday and I just cleaned it up as best as I could and vowed to never sit down in there again. I just walk out of there and into the living room where it is (relatively) toy-free. It seems a bit weird to have two TVs one one floor of the house, but it is the best thing we ever did.

Although, alas, my home improvement ADD has kicked in. It is ALMOST finished. All the room needs is a media table/console under the TV and some more stuff on the walls. The tiny little hallway off the garage still needs to be painted. And what do you think I'm doing about that? NOTHING. I just can't seem to complete anything. I have time to do it, I'm just NOT doing it.

I've started wondering if I have ADD. I never thought I had it while I was in school. But, now I can't seem to stay focused. I could just blame the fact that I have two small kids at home, and that may be part of it, but I also think I just can't stay focused on one thing very long.

Like the laundry. I will dump a load out on my bed and start folding it. There is no reason for me to stop folding it, but I get bored and think, "Oh, I'll come back and finish before bedtime." Then I go decide to pay the bills. I write out a couple of them, don't stamp the envelopes, leave the pile unfinished. I think, "Hey! I'm going to go order those online photos I've been meaning to order!" I screw around online uploading, enlarging, but...wait. I can't order yet because I need to go dig around and see where I stopped ordering last time. Then I decide that I need to finish the breakfast dishes. Oh wait! I've been meaning to clean that glass door. Let me just do the inside. I'll do the outside later. I'll just leave the Windex out on the counter. Oh hey! I need to make a phone call.

So, the end result is that I'm crazy busy all day. Flitting around. Never sitting down. Always doing something. But yet, never finishing a damn thing.

Is that what ADD is like? Or have I just started imitating the fruit flies that I can't seem to get rid of?

You Never Know When Perspective Will Hit You

2010-08-31T09:32:00.004-04:00

I whine a lot about the rigors and stresses and unrelentlessness of parenting. It sucks the life out of me on a regular basis. I miss being able to just clean the house in peace. I really, really miss having a clean house. Irrationally so. I miss being able to dash out and run 5 errands in 30 minutes. I miss waking up to a noise other than someone screaming at me. I miss having a job where I have a chance of completing projects I start. I miss being able to sweep the floor and have it stay clean for more than 4 minutes. I miss calm. I miss picking up and heading out without having to remember diapers, sippy cups, snacks, toys.....I miss all that.

Recently, I was talking on the phone with a really good friend from the past. We were kid-free when we lived in the same place. We shopped together, ate lunch out, went to bars. We talked on the phone for hours a day. We discussed big issues in the world, books, religion....

She hasn't started a family yet and was describing her life to me. She recently moved and was rattling around in a new house. Hadn't made friends yet. Didn't know what to do with herself. Takes 4 hour naps, reads for 3 hours a day, cleans the house with only CNN on for company.

And you know what? Instead of feeling jealous, I thought, "I'm glad I don't feel that way anymore." It brought back those feelings I used to have. Boredom. Feelings like I was just biding time. I guess you can say, if nothing else, kids really give your life a definite direction. I am accomplishing something every day, even if I suck at it some days. Even though I never, ever get a chance to get dressed in peace. And I never complete any project I start in under a year. Even though there are disgusting chocolate smears on the walls and repulsive globs of things stuck on the floor. At least I am not bored anymore. I have purpose to every single day. I wouldn't go back to the way I was before. Maybe I don't really miss having a clean house. And I have a very real reason to get up every morning. I have no choice. Someone is usually screaming my name!

The Party That Wasn't, A Road Trip, and Nonstop Walking and Eating Marathon

2010-08-28T08:46:00.005-04:00

The MK party was a total bust. BUST. I spent all day cleaning and cooking, and getting out cute serving dishes and arranging things. And only three dear friends came (I owe them big time because I think I MADE them come). The consultant came a bit late (no biggie) and brought her kids (I told her to). The babysitter I had arranged forgot, so there were nine kids in the basement. I finally got her to come, but woke her up from a nap. We were sneaking rum into our cokes when the consultant wasn't looking. Everyone had to leave early (don't blame them). The consultant's daughter wouldn't stay in the basement and was running around upstairs on my NEW FURNITURE. Then she had a problem in the bathroom. Everyone left. No one ate much of the food I made. I didn't get the margarita pie out of the freezer.

That is the last time I do that.

We recently took a trip to Duchess County, NY to attend the bridal shower weekend of my future sister-in-law, Tara. My mom flew up here and helped me drive with the two kids. It was only a 4 and a half hour drive up there, but a 6 and a half hour drive home. Hello! Jersey turnpike on a rainy summer Sunday. The kids did really well overall on the trip and it went much better than I could have asked for. We had a great time seeing Tara's hometown and meeting her friends and family.

My mom stayed with the kids overnight while John and I had a night in Georgetown. I planned it all and didn't tell him what we were doing. I picked him up at the airport after one of his trips. We took to the train to Union Station and the Metro out to Foggy Bottom. It was great. We checked into the hotel, had a few beverages. Then we walked down to M Street in Georgetown and had dinner at Clyde's--which gets its produce from local farms. I had scallops in a jalapeno corn cream sauce with fried green tomatoes. Yum. After that we wandered around. I really wanted to find a good jazz club, but it was Monday night and we ended up at an Irish pub where supposedly JFK proposed to Jackie (doubt that.) The next day we went on a 5 mile death march across D.C. John ignored the close proximity of the hotel to the Metro station (I spent a LONG TIME planning that!) and we hiked all over. We had breakfast at Founding Farmers (a farm to table restaurant) that was wonderful. We walked by the White House and the WW2 Monument and then we walked over to the Jefferson Monument.

We were carrying our backpacks with our overnight stuff. I was DONE. I was totally exhausted. I couldn't figure out why John was just walking on along like no problem! He was talking about walking another mile and a half to a restaurant. I put my battered and sore foot down and hailed a taxi. We ate lunch at Old Ebbitt Grill where I had a Norwegian sandwich, with smoked salmon, olive cream cheese, and hardboiled egg. Definitely different, but good!

Then we took the train home. It was a wonderful 24 hours. KID FREE! We were just giddy to be by ourselves. It was great. Basically we just walked and ate, walked and ate, walked and ate. My kind of vacation. Except for the walking.

Puzzling....

2010-08-10T06:55:00.002-04:00

Welp! I'm going to chalk that one up to a random fluke. Or at least, a virus with a super long incubation period. (Please, Universe, don't smite me! Let's just move on, mmmmkay?)

I woke up this morning at 5:54 a.m. when Becca got up to go to the bathroom. She went to bed at 9. Took no nap yesterday, went to DANCE CAMP and still was up before six. Oh well. It didn't bother me too much today because my mind is spinning. I figured I could get up and get a cup of coffee in silence. I was even a good wife and made John a breakfast sandwich to go as he rushed out the door. I answered a few emails and made my To-Do list.

Last night I was put on the spot. I agreed to host a Mary Kay party for a friend. I'm not a real Mary Kay person. I mean, it is fine. But I am just not that into it. I'm doing it for the friend, not for the products.

As she was asking me, my mind started saying, "I love having friends over. I enjoy hosting parties. It is a great excuse to get people together." I started running through my repetoire of heavy hors doueeerrrrrves (don't feel like googling the spelling) and desserts. Drinks and fresh flowers....

But, then the consultant told me not to serve wine until after the skin care demo.

*record screeeeeeeeeching!*

Say what?

Party with no wine?

Does not compute.

I am seriously at a loss. Who wants to be trapped at a party where there is a big demo and no wine? Why can't she just set out a ton of samples and give a two minute spiel? Then the people can mingle and talk and play with products and get a little tipsy and then BUY STUFF! Maybe that is just how I do it.

Anyhoodle. If you have any heavy hors doooooooorrrrrves or dessert recipes you think are a must, let me know. Especially if they contain WINE.

I Quit!

2010-08-08T08:36:00.003-04:00

Oh, Y'all. I swear. If I don't get a 12 month break from stomach viruses I am going to LOSE IT. How about even a 6 month break? 3 months? SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT when there have been FOUR stomach viruses in my house during 2010. So far, I have contracted three of them. NOT RIGHT.

I had to call and cancel my solo at church this morning. My name is printed in the bulletin. I'm supposed to be singing "The Holy City." There is no backup. I am just NOT THERE because I got BARFED ON and my husband is not home.

What am I doing wrong? No one else I know has four GI bugs a year. No one. I need help, y'all. If I catch this one, so help me GOD.

Guilt and Stress

2010-08-06T07:18:00.002-04:00

We are leaving in 5 minutes for the pediatric dentist's office. Becca has to have a pulpotomy--or a kid root canal and a silver crown. Guess who feels like the worst mom? Okay, not the WORST, but pretty damn bad. How did it come to this? How is it not just a little cavity, or better yet, NO cavity?

I admit I started slacking a little bit on the sugar intake recently. I used to be very strict about it. Then, I kind of lightened up a little and the kids had a lollipop once a day. I still don't think my kids have ever had the amount of sugar in their diets that the average American kid has, though.

I also admit I wasn't vigilant enough with her teeth brushing. I let her do it and then I would go in for a quick once over. But, according to my friends, that is what they do too, and THEIR KIDS DON'T NEED ROOT CANALS.

So, I am sitting here drinking from a giant mug of Mommy Guilt while my poor child is stressed about this whole dentist thing. I'm stressed about the sedation. What if she has a problem with it? I had a weird anesthesia experience that required ventilation. Her doctor doesn't think that will happen with this medication or with her, but I'm still freaking the fuck out.

Travelling with Kids

2010-08-04T13:51:00.004-04:00

I just got back from an almost-week long jaunt to Minnesota. We had two memorial services and one anniversary boat trip to attend. One memorial was for my Grandpa Jack who died at the age of 90, and one for my Nana who died at the age of 100. The services were perfect....we sent some of Grandpa Jack's ashes down the river in a small canoe and had simple graveside service followed by a party at the VFW, complete with a whiskey toast, which I MISSED. (See also: travelling with kids who had to go to bed, dammit). And we had a nice church service and luncheon for Nana's. The paddle boat trip down the Mississippi was to celebrate my Uncle Phil and Aunt Linda's 25th Anniversary. It was great!

I've declared the 2010-2011 school year to be a year of travel. And we started it off in April and have been going nonstop ever since. With free (standby) airline travel and two kids who aren't yet in school it is the time to do it. Starting about 1 year from now it will be all she wrote as Becca will start kindergarten and we'll be tied down forever--unable to travel during school vacations (See also: standby only travel).

We've been to Texas, Florida, (I've been to NY), South Carolina and Minnesota in the last couple months. I still have another trip to NY, another to Minnesota and a trip to Texas coming up in the next two months. After that, we have a potential Hawaii trip (See also: Travelling with Kids to Hawaii, is it worth it?), another to NY, and another to Texas, followed by another to God Knows Where. I'm becoming a pro at airline travel with kids. It does get easier with each trip. But DAMN am I ready to stop hauling that giant ass carseat with us everywhere we go (See also: Britax Marathon, World's Heaviest Carseat). I have figured out exactly how to pack. And I still manage to overpack on the wrong things and underpack on the wrong things every time. (See also: toys and diapers, respectively.)

I started the tradition of Airplane Surprises with Becca, when she was around the age of 2. It was the only way I could survive travelling with her. She was high maintenance and fussy (See also: The Winter of her Discontent). And unfortunately, I can't seem to stop this practice. I buy a bunch of cheap toys, books, new crayons, stickers, coloring books, little amusements, snacks. I quit the lollipops though (See also: child who needs root canal.) I do think it helps with staving off breakdowns. This is about my only tip for those who need tips on travelling with kids. Just buy a bunch of new shit and fling it at the children at will.

Becca has become rather easy to travel with. She doesn't have to take naps anymore. She can stay up late without problem. She just goes along with what everyone does. Andrew? Not really the best travelling companion at this point. He gets way behind on sleep and then just whines. He has to have a nap, he has to get to bed. He still requires diapers and pack-n-plays and giant car seats. Sippy cups, wipes, butt paste, bibs. He gets frustrated about things he can't do. But, he is easier than Becca was at his age. He copies her and stays in his seat on the airplane. The second kid is just EASIER. It is amazing. It is almost universally true. They just sort of fall into line. Even if they whine the entire time.

So, we are back home. The pile of mail is there, beckoning. My to-do list is giant. I almost couldn't sleep last night thinking of everything I've abandoned this summer, and everything I need to do (See also: watering tomato plants).

I'll leave you with my final travelling with kids tip: Do not, I repeat DO NOT clean the house before you leave. It is the biggest and most pointless waste of time. Pick up the shit on the floor and do the dishes, pile everything else in piles and WALK OUT THE DOOR. Do not clean a thing. Because you KNOW the minute you walk in from your trip, the house is immediately TRASHED. You then spend the next week trying to unpack and deal with the monumental mess. So, the hassle involved in cleaning isn't worth it just for that 2 seconds when you first get home. Take it from me.

2010-07-28T10:20:00.001-04:00

Wondering why this mobile blogging is eluding me...

Lately Around Here....

2010-07-27T07:12:00.004-04:00

* I've been painting. And re-painting. We ordered new living room furniture. A sectional in a beige color and two chairs in a paisley green/brown/grey/gold/turquoise/burgundy. I know. Sounds hideous....and it might be, but damn if I didn't love that tiny swatch from which I selected it.

I thought a cool greenish grey would be perfect. And I went bonkers trying to find it. I tested 12 different green/greys. (Btw, I prefer to spell gray as grey. Looks more dapper.) I found one and painted one wall. Nope! Too pastel and too minty. So, I got some more samples. And dreamt about paint colors and talked about paint colors and drove everyone I know totally crazy. Then, I painted the next deeper shade and loved it. I meant to just do one accent wall, but I loved it so much I kept going and going and painted two rooms (the living and dining that are open to each other).

I'm so cool and modern, I told myself. So bold and dramatic.

John asked why I didn't just leave the walls tan. (Because, I explained. Tan and beige just doesn't look good together! DUH!)

And then, I came down with another Virus of Doom (that would be three this year, thank you Stomach Virus Gods. Please spare me the next round, mmmmkay?) This particular one lasted 5 days. FIVE DAYS...fever, body aches, GI issues. I was nauseous and unable to eat. And during those five days I spent my nauseous hours staring at my dark green living room and dining room and gagging.

The minute I recovered I ran to Home Depot (again. AGAIN!) and bought a cream color. Just first choice. Didn't try samples or anything. I couldn't cover up that dark color fast enough. John asked why I didn't just leave it tan.

Now I am left with one dark accent wall and the rest a sunny, creamy color. Sort of the color of vanilla pudding. And I'm much happier. Much.

(I'm trying to upload photos and Blogger's being a beotch. So I will try sending them as a mobile blog later!)

*Becca is in a new phase where she wants hot tea with honey for breakfast every morning. We are doing the fruit flavored Celestial Seasonings. But is this okay for a kid? I blame Mary Poppins. She LOVES Mary Poppins.

*Andrew is kind of an anal kid. He actually ENJOYS cleaning. He gets all gleeful if you ask him to put his toys away. He loves wiping his hands and face with his napkin. I'm not sure how this happened.

*I miss blogging.

Obviously, I didn't do that right.....

2010-07-20T16:17:00.001-04:00

I was attempting to blog from my iphone. As you can see.....it didn't quite pan out. The posts below are in reverse order and all mixed up. I wrote one long post and sent it and this is what happened! See if you can put the puzzle pieces together....

2010-07-20T16:15:00.011-04:00

C myself back in this game! Here we go...

2010-07-20T16:15:00.009-04:00

C d in airport security line; 2) I have been running a fever, chills and sweats; and 3) I don't want to be featured on the next episode of "oops, I crapped

2010-07-20T16:15:00.007-04:00

C l and complete ass. My husband is on a trip and I had to cancel our 13th anniversary rendezvous in Boston because 1) I can't stand up long enough to stan

2010-07-20T16:15:00.005-04:00

C This is my test run.

Wanna know what's been going on with me? Currently I am on Day 4 of a heinous virus that is really pissing me off. I feel like tota

2010-07-20T16:15:00.003-04:00

C heavenly freedom.... Though I seem to have given up on blogs and blogging permanently.

But! But! I think I jus discovered how I an blog from my phone.

2010-07-20T16:15:00.001-04:00

C So, the reason I have dropped off the face of the Earth is the iPhone. Since getting that bad boy I never get on a regular computer anymore. It s like a

You Know You're Doing Something Wrong When Your Kids are Banging Around at 5 a.m.

2010-06-14T06:37:00.004-04:00

What the hell, people? I mean, WHAT THE HELL? Today at 5 a.m. I heard Becca's light turn on (it makes a dinging noise, thank you cheap bedside lamp.) I ran into her room and saw her, standing on a stool in her closet, dressed in a Colonial Williamsburg looking dress-up dress, surrounded by the contents of her closet on the floor.

"Well," I thought. "She did take a long nap yesterday. I know I need to cut out the naps." And off I trudged back to bed, after telling her, "IT IS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!! It isn't time to get up. Go back to bed until your light turns green!" (Which happens at 6:15 a.m.)

("But I'm not TIRED!")

On my way back to bed, I heard Andrew awake, and playing, in his crib.

No. He is ONE YEAR OLD. One year olds do not get up at 5 a.m., especially when they went to bed after 8 p.m. last night. That is just NOT enough sleep. Or maybe that explains why he takes such long daytime naps. Either way, this is JACKED UP.

Clearly, I am doing something wrong. I just can't quite figure it out or get it tweaked to get these little rugrats to sleep in til 7! Or even 6:30!

Do I have to just cut out naps for BOTH of them? Becca is four and a half. It is probably past time to cut them out for her, but Andrew? He still needs naps. I have tried to make sure everyone is awake by 3 p.m. thinking maybe they were just sleeping too much during the day. But, that doesn't seem to have an effect. Granted, they both seem to be okay playing in their rooms/cribs for a while in the morning, which is great. But I just don't think that is enough sleep for Andrew....or me.

Send ideas, I'm begging you.

The Constant Failure in Pursuit of Perfection

2010-06-05T13:36:00.007-04:00

Do you ever wonder how some people just seem to have it all together? I always assume that everyone else has it together and that I'm the long flailer/straggler/lazy lump of the group.

I look around at groups of women and think, "How does she do it? How do her kids always look so clean and well-groomed and well-dressed? I didn't even brush my kids' hair today. How does she seem so with it? I didn't even brush my own hair today. How does she find the time to do all she does? I just piddled away another day, constantly doing something, but never finishing anything. How is she so confident and so sure of herself on the parenting front? I question every single decision I ever make and never know how the hell to handle different kid situations. Why do I feel like I'm lagging behind these other women?"

Do you do that? Or is it just me.

I've heard how men judge each other....and it is based on heirarchies and jobs and blah blah alpha dog blah blah. Full-time moms don't have those things to base their judgements on. I think full-time moms judge each other on how together they are. How great their kids are doing. How clean their house is. How much fun they're having with their families. How easy they make it look. How productive they are.

Isn't it kind of ridiculous?

I think it is. And yet, I find myself doing it. And mostly it is out of an inferiority complex or something. It is like we moms are pursuing perfection. Those that appear to have achieved it are lifted up and admired. We are all trying to get there. But, perfection is impossible. And boring. How retarded. None of us are ever going to be perfect. What a ridiculous thing to be judging each other on. Is it possible that none of us feel like we have it together? Even those that appear to?

Maybe we're all just doing our best and some of us (*Ahem*) have expectations that are a bit too high and just need to relax and go with the flow!

Or maybe, I need to get off the computer and do something productive.

No Karmic Bitch Slap, Please, Universe....

2010-05-27T20:55:00.003-04:00

I have a confession to make. For the first time in 4 and a half years, I have stopped wiping down shopping cart handles before touching them, or having my kids touch them. Recently, I've found myself just tossing kids into shopping carts with nary a wipe in sight. I won't lie and tell you it doesn't bother me to a certain degree, because in the back of my head, it does. I think, "I should probably wipe that down." And then, I think "Fuck it." And I don't.

I almost lauded my new healthy mental attitude. Hey! Look at me being all normal and shit. But then I realized I think it isn't a factor of overcoming a problem. I think laziness has just taken over. I just don't feel like digging around in my purse for an antibacterial wipe. It just seems too hard.

Sigh.

Just thought y'all should be the first to know.

Thanks for the feedback on the sectionals with chaises.....I am having someone from a local furniture store come help me with ideas tomorrow, and I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself. I have a list of questions for her. Actually, I have an accordion file full of ideas, too. I just haven't been quite able to get things arranged right in this house and I can't wait for a professional opinion. She'll probably want to hang heavy, tasselled, velvet, cheetah-print fabric from everything and recommend the $10,000 sofas and I'll end up disappointed. But for now, my hopes are up. Can she arrange the crazy step-down, corners popped-in living room to maximize seating? I'll let you know.

I will finish my NYC saga. Eventually. I swear. Blogging takes time that I just don't seem to have anymore....at least not in the big chunks necessary. I miss it, though, so I'm trying to just jump back in!

Quick Quiz

2010-05-24T20:37:00.003-04:00

I'm taking a quick break (hardy har har) from the NYC story to ask you a question. What do you think of sectionals with chaises attached?

I really want a sectional in our front living room, but can't figure out how to get one in there because of weird corners/step downs, etc...but I think I could do it with a chaise. I am just not sure if they are functional. They don't really add any additional seating, but they give the illusion of a sectional. And I'm worried they could go out of style too quickly.

What do you think?

I'm back!!

2010-05-19T06:36:00.011-04:00

Hello, my dears. Where in the sam hill have I been, you're asking? Well, I will tell you. I've been in the big city. The Big Apple. NYC, baby! My mom, my mom's BFF since kindergarten, Bonnie, my sister, Susan, my future SIL, Tara and Tara's cousin, Nicole, all descended on Manhattan to visit my cousin, Hannah who lives there.

I left my precious children in the care of my dad, my husband, and Bonnie's husband, Grampy Ralph.

It was my first multi-night trip away from my kids....ever. We'd been planning it since February. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I knew I was good and ready. I spent (at least) five days preparing. I had to organize the house, so that Grampy Ralph wouldn't be horrified at the state of things. I had to stock the refrigerator so that Grandpa Jack would find plenty of things to cook. I had to NOT mop the floor, because Grandpa Jack would be cooking in there for days on end. I had to write a 15 page document so that all the guys would know what to do, where ballet class is, who to call for help, where the pediatrician is. I had to pack and also worked on arranging the transportation to the city.

Friday afternoon my parents and Bonnie and Ralph arrived. We had lunch. I pulled out the Binder of Bossiness and briefed the men. And then, we ladies got the HELL out of here. YEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWW!

I figured it made more sense to drive north to catch the train, rather than driving south. It really made the train prices go down and Philly had the best train schedule. ROOKIES! Total rookie mistake! At the grocery checkout line in my town, a grocery employee asked me why we weren't taking the bus. It is only $27 to take the bus, he said. Hmmmm. Once we got through the heinous Friday afternoon traffic in downtown Philly, and had a moment of panic about maybe there is no parking at this station, we figured out the long term parking was $25. A NIGHT. Whoops!

We country bumpkins staggered our way through the train station, blindly searching for the blue Amtrak QuickTrack Kiosk. Not the blue NJ Transit or the blue SEPTA one, or even the blue ATM. (Really USA? Does it have to be so confusing!?) Then, we staggered our way on board, bumping everyone with our giant suitcases and lugging shit up and down various cars finding NO SEATS on board. We finally settled in, knees smack up against the knees of strangers. Eventually after it got going, we managed to find some seats in the same row. I got Auntie Bonnie settled in next to us and we were off!

Well, if we thought Philly train station was something, we had no idea what hit us in NY's Penn Station. Hoooooo-eeee. I just figured we'd get off Amtrak, look for signs for the Subway and then find the map on the wall, figure out what Subway stop we wanted and then get on that train. Because it would make sense that way. Because, after all, that is how it works in Tokyo, Seoul, Washington D.C., Boston and any other subway system I've ever been on. But not Penn Station. Oh no. I am fairly certain this station/subway/train....system (for lack of a better word) was designed by some suits with a sick senses of humor in a high rise who had never soiled themselves in the subway. Or maybe by a pack of drunken monkeys.

I don't even have the space here to go into exactly all that happened, but I think we were stuck in various turnstiles/escalators/elevators/hallways/customer service windows for quite some time. Apparently, some trains change directions at rush hour. But that isn't written down on the signs. And sometimes even though you are technically going uptown, you are actually on the downtown train. Because why would we want things to be obvious? That would take all the fun out of it.

We made it. Eventually. And Bonnie got us a FREE upgrade to the Zen Suite. I'm not even kidding. It had a wrap around terrace, a giant bedroom, two bathrooms, a huge living room.....it even had a hallway with zen lighting. Unheard of in New York...usually you are wedged in a tiny closet that is dubbed a "room." Who are the country bumpkins now? Unbelievable.

Next installment, tomorrow.....need to feed my kids something other than cookies for breakfast.

The Laundry Plan That Changed My Life

2010-04-29T20:59:00.003-04:00

When John was deployed I adopted all kinds of new coping methods for single parenting. Number one, I stopped bathing the kids. Hell, it was winter and they weren't too dirty, right?

But the other thing I started doing has changed everything for me. I stopped folding my kids' clothes. I am pretty good at starting the laundry and even pretty good at getting it into the dryer. After that, all hell breaks loose. I H.A.T.E. folding and H.A.T.E. (even more) putting the laundry away. Laundry would sit around in piles for days....weeks, even. I would move the piles around and dig through them for clothes and move them again.

So I decided to embrace my inner laziness. I no longer mixed any kid clothes in with our clothes. In fact, I got each kid their own hamper and only washed the clothes in that hamper in a load. Each kid had their own load of laundry done. And, here is where it gets good. I stopped folding the kids clothes. Seriously, this is just so perfect I can't believe they don't teach you this the minute you pop out a kid. Why the HELL do those little pants need to be folded?? They don't! I'm telling you. The minute you put them on a kid, they are instantly covered in snot, food, marker, juice.... I mean what is the point!? And they are definitely less wrinkled than when I used to just dump them in a laundry basket and ignore them for a week....

Each time a child's hamper was full, I dumped it in, washed, dried and then dumped it right onto their bed. Since I'm not lazy enough to put a kid to bed on top of laundry, this forced me to get it put away before bedtime. And then I would just open the shirt drawer and put the shirts in. UNFOLDED. I mean, I would stack them, usually. Open the pants drawer, in go the unfolded pants. Y'all. I have never, ever been so on top of laundry in my entire life. No more toting away from the dryer, dumping, folding, stacking, moving cycle!

When I do the grown-up laundry, there are no kid clothes mixed in. It just seems more manageable. Not a giant pile full of small, unmatched socks.

So, the next thing I need to do is to learn how to embrace my inner laziness with the photo organizing New Year's Resolution, which so far, has completely not happened AT ALL.

Spring Fervor

2010-04-03T07:30:00.003-04:00

Here we go! I'm blogging. Must mean I'm procrastinating! Or maybe it means my son started his ear piercing screams at 5:45 a.m. Or maybe both.

I've got the suitcases out. The packing lists itemized. The laundry going. The free drink coupons for the airplane. Time to pack! Time for me to take these two yahoos to Texas. We're going to go stay with John's mom and Jim for a few days.

I am already salivating at the thought of all the yummy TexMex food. And I hear the bluebonnets are beautiful this year. Look out, Texas! Start making the tamales! And the guacamole! And the queso!

I Have Been Keeping a Secret From My Bloggies

2010-03-23T14:35:00.003-04:00

Most of you may know this, but since January, John has been deployed to Afghanistan. At first I didn't mention it on here because of security concerns. And then I didn't really feel like I should advertise it to the entire Internet. And then, I decided to just wait until he got back to say anything.

So. He's back!

He got back on Saturday and we're just adjusting to life now with all of us present and accounted for. No more single parenting for me! Single parenting during croup, pneumonia, a stomach virus, repainting two rooms and 80 inches of snow. I survived! We all survived. Unbelieveable, but true.

Becca ran right up to him when he arrived and gave him a giant hug. I followed lugging Andrew. Andrew leaned back, away from him and just stared at him. Becca kept hugging. Then, it went to the opposite extreme. Becca started crying and wouldn't look at him and Andrew couldn't get enough of him. Andrew followed him around for two days imitating John's every move. Becca cried and wouldn't look at him for a little while, but warmed up soon after that.

It is relief to have him safely home. It is a relief at night to know that I'm not the only adult in the house. It is relief to have someone else give the kids a bath, or take Andrew out of his high chair and hose him down, or read Becca a bedtime story. It is just nice to have him back.

Super Virus of Doom

2010-03-18T14:42:00.005-04:00

I am praying we are out of the woods over here. Unfortunately, we spread the lovely virus to my poor parents who are now semi-comatose in their little apartment, wondering why the hell they chose to spend 6 months here when they could have chosen Hawaii or New Zealand....just somewhere far away from the viral hell hole that houses my children. My mom was here less than 24 hours and my dad was only in this house for about 2 hours and they caught the heinous bug.

I am feeling better--not perfect by any means--but better. Good enough to start washing 187 loads of laundry, opening all the windows, turning on all the fans, and spraying Lysol on any surface I see.

My children ARE. NOT. NAPPING. WELL. this week which is totally putting me over the edge. Well, that and the barfing. Either way, here I am...over the edge. (See me waving desperately?)

All Night Vom Fest

2010-03-17T11:19:00.002-04:00

What ever would have made me think that the vomit bug passed over me and Becca? If one of us gets it, we all go down. Hard. Last night it took Becca and me OUT.

It was the worst night of my life. Flashing back and forth between barfing and helping Becca barf. At one point I think I passed out on the bathroom floor, too weak to hold my head up or move. I woke up with my head on someone else's regurgitation.

It was beyond horrendous. It was the stuff of my nightmares, every hour all night long. One or both of us was getting sick.

BLLLLLECH!!!! Do you feel like you need to disinfect yourself after reading this? I just need to get better enough to go upstairs and deal with the HazMat sitch.

Things I Hate

2010-03-14T14:41:00.003-04:00

I'm just not sure why I do these things. Why I decide to paint things. I hate painting. I hate it. I hate it. I love the final result (usually) but hate the process. So, here I am. Half way done painting my family room and kitchen. And the color looks so great in the kitchen. I love it. But, it looks pretty bad next to the couches in the family room. It is the Restoration Hardware Silver Sage color.

How in the world did I decide on a paint that clashes with the furniture? What was I thinking? So. Here I am. Going ahead with it anyway and just hoping some accessories and pillows and curtains will fix it.

But, guess what I hate more than painting? What I hate more than ANYTHING.

Right. Barf.

I hate barf.

And my son has a stomach virus and is barfing. And I'm all in a tizzy. While I hate barf, it isn't the barf itself that starts me freaking out. It is the FEAR. The fear that I may catch the virus. The fear that I may have to do the barfing myself. That is what sends me over the edge. The whole violent, unexpectedness of it all doesn't help either.

In summary: John is not here. One kid is down with the barf bug. The house is torn to shreds and half-way painted. Sometimes I wish I just had a fast forward button.

Showing the Love

2010-03-10T07:21:00.005-05:00

Look!! I got a real care package! From a fellow blogger! Lisa over at It's Pretty Okay sent this lovely box of goodies from Japan. When I was posting about having a Happy Barfy New Years she asked if she could send me a care package. She and I both suffer from emetophobia. It is a real thing, people. So I got this lovely box full of toys, snacks, stickers, office supplies, a Starbucks Japan travel mug and what she claims is the World's Best Ice Cream Scoop.

I haven't tried the scoop yet. But I do think it is the World's Best Ice Cream Scoop Packaging. It has two photos on the top. One showing a lovely, jolly ice cream bowl. And the other? The other showing some sort of brown lumpy (chocolate ice cream?) being lowered into some sort of noodle soup? Or something? I loved stuff like this in Korea. I loved the hilarious translations, the wacky packaging. So, thank you, Lisa for that laugh. And for all the wonderful things. I am currently sipping out of my new mug and contemplating what to send to you......

But nothing I send you could top that picture.

*****

Next up: Guess what this means?

The Early Bird Gets the Panda

2010-03-08T07:10:00.007-05:00

We went to the National Zoo yesterday with my parents. It was a gorgeous day! It started out cold, but warmed up nicely. We got there around 8:30 a.m. which was totally the way to do it. We really almost had the place to ourselves for a while. By 2 p.m. it was packed and annoying and full of strollers and screaming kids. But the early hours were just wonderful. The pandas were out eating bamboo just a few feet from us! By 10 a.m. they were way at the back of their enclosures.

We saw three orang utans go across this "O-Line." It runs from one zoo building to another and is 45 feet up in the air...with no net underneath! The orangs just climb across it....or just sit and hang out, like this one.

Here is Becca volunteering for a demonstration, Andrew desperately trying to join her and me frantically pulling him back. We put on our own show, you see.

Can you spot the panda in this photo?

I finally, finally figured out the key to travelling with my kids without dying. I go to bed at 8:30 p.m. That way when someone wakes up at 4:52 a.m. I don't fantasize about jumping out a window. It only took me 4 years to learn this. (Although, he did go back to sleep and they actually did really well having a slumber party at Nana and Grandpa's. I can't complain.)

Adventure People

2010-03-06T08:24:00.002-05:00

We are packing up today to go spend a night down at my parents' temporary apartment in D.C. It is supposed to be a beautiful, sunny weekend with temps in the 50s! SPRING! I see those crocuses coming out and I saw our mourning doves back on the deck this morning.

I am always amazed at how much stuff it takes to take two children and myself anywhere, even if it is just for 24 hours. Diapers, wipes, clothes, toys, additional clothes, blankies, books, snacks, strollers, sippy cups, DVDs, DVD player. It is quite something to see.

Have a wonderful weekend! I will report on our adventures on Monday!

My Shoes Match My Blog (But Are They Ugly?)

2010-03-02T18:05:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I ran into the mall, tried two pair of Asics running shoes on and quickly bought one pair. They felt good. I took them home and wore them around for awile. They felt....okay. Not fabulous. Not as good as they felt in the store. But, they looked normal. Regular running shoes. Good price. Just not quite right.

I decided to take them back today and to try on the new (slightly more expensive) Nike running shoes with this new super light-weight construction. I tried on the white pair, which was just too.....white. And then I tried on those black ones up there. Wow. The most light-weight comfy shoe EVER. I quickly exchanged the Asics and took those babies home. The black is definitely weird...but kind of trendy. And very comfortable.

I just put them on. And.....now I don't know. It seems the widest part of my foot doesn't quite fit on the insole and is stretching the outside of the shoe. That can't be good. But other than that, they feel good! I really love the feeling of the shoe....but they just aren't quite right. Does this mean I have to take them back? I guess I do.

What do you think of the black? Is it just too weird? I think it looks cute with workout pants...but what about the summer? Can you wear them with shorts and capris? Not sure I can picture that.....

I Take It Back. I'm Definitely Not Type B (ish)

2010-03-01T21:38:00.005-05:00

It is the same old story. I feel I can't ever get anything done. I spin my wheels all day--cleaning, running around, trying to stay on top of things. Day after day. And after coming downstairs from putting the kids to bed....I am exhausted. I plop on the couch or in front of the computer and sit there, slack jawed, until bedtime, berating myself for not getting up and doing anything other than reaching for another snack. Wondering how I managed to get ZERO accomplished and yet am still tired. I promise myself I will get more done tomorrow.

Then, the cycle repeats itself. Next day, same story.

Occasionally I will have a day when I get a project finished. I got the kids rooms all cleaned and vacuumed and all the laundry put away last week (of course, my parents were here, entertaining the children, but still). What a great feeling. But, last night both of their rooms were trashed again. Cheerios were ground into the carpet in the family room. The floor under the kitchen table was covered in food slime, the sink was full of dirty dishes, the trash can was full, the diaper pail was full, the car was full of crumbs, and toys and bags of crap and dirty sippy cups.....There are stacks of mail to be sorted, piles of papers to be filed, crumbs and toys on every surface. Don't even talk about all the additional projects I have in mind, or books I want to read, or shopping, or socializing--keeping up with people...returning calls, writing letters, answering emails.

I know. This is life. Welcome to it, already. I know.

And yet, there is my New Year's Resolution of learning to go with the flow.... embracing the current phase instead of missing past phases or looking forward to new phases. Learning to smile when I kick the toy cars on the kitchen floor, realizing soon my kids will only want video games and cell phones....Gleefully taking a nap, instead of feeling guilty when the kids are sleeping because soon they won't be taking naps. Enjoying their sweet smiles and giggles and sheer delight at the simple things in life. Letting it go....

But you know? I can't really embrace filth. I just can't. It makes me insane. And what kind of person makes a New Year's Resolution to be mentally unstable? Because I think the answer is: a person who has already gone off the deep end. Am I wrong?

SLACKER

2010-02-28T21:01:00.004-05:00

I know. Oh, I know. I am so suck-tacular at updating these days. I know. I have some feeble excuses, but....I'm too lazy to even type them.

What can I say? Except GOODBYE, February. Please let the door hit you on the ass on your way out. Hard.

Hello, March. Hello sweet little bulb shoots timidly sticking out of the snow. Hello waking up AFTER sunrise. Goodbye tunnel. Hello light.

The Mom Fantasy

2010-02-18T10:53:00.012-05:00

My mom was up for the past few days. Actually, both of my parents showed up on Friday, bearing a giant bag of IKEA meatballs and therefore saving me dozens of nights of cooking this month. Nothing says love like frozen meatballs. And I mean that. Then Mom stayed on for a few more days. And, boy! Was that ever nice! I was spoiled ROTTEN. I got to run all kinds of errands by myself, which is pretty much my definition of heaven. Especially if I am not paying someone to watch my kids while it is happening. Running in and out six stores in 20 minutes! Telling the hairstylist that it is no big deal she is running late. Take your time. Please. No car seat buckling, no flinging snacks to the backseat, begging and pleading them to hang on just five more minutes, please, Mama has got to buy some Kahlua.

I was telling Mom about my fantasies. I have two. The first is the Reality Fantasy. This is one where I just fantasize about having two days to myself in the house to do chores and cleaning. Man! What I could get done if I had 48 hours by myself up in here. I could start and finish a project in one day. I do dream of that.

But the Ultimate Fantasy.....is a fantasy that I have had for a few years now. This is beyond my wildest dreams, but I love to think about it. Here it is: I would go to a nice hotel. All. By. Myself. Now, I have spent hours thinking through my Ultimate Fantasy and how exactly I would spend each of those 48 hours. For the first 24 hours I wouldn't leave the hotel room.

I would read, nap, watch chick flicks, order room service, sleep some more, maybe go sit out on the balcony and read in the fresh air (this fantasy involves a balcony and nice weather, naturally. And, I'm thinking mountain views would be a bonus. Something you can just sit and look at without feeling the need to go out into--no beach.) After 24 hours, I might tear myself from the bed and saunter down to the lobby and order some coffee and sit down in a chair for a while. Then I might wander over to the pool and lay around for another hour, maybe get a massage. Then, I'd go back and take a nap. Later that afternoon I might poke around the local area and shop. Or I might not. Then, I'd get back in the bed, order room service again, open up a nice little bottle from the minibar and pull out my book.

Try to tell me that isn't the very definition of heaven.

Ahhhh. Just thinking about it relaxes me.

Welp! Gotta run. My kid just bloodied his lip while trying to eat gum out of the trash can! I told you mine, now you tell me yours.

Resolution Check

2010-02-15T07:36:00.003-05:00

Since we last chatted, let's find out how I'm doing on my New Year's Resolutions.
1. Photos. Sucktastic. I get an F-. Haven't done a thing. In fact, it is worse now than ever because I sold a dresser that held a bunch of random photos, which are now on my bedroom floor. But that is okay because I have 10.5 months to get it handled, right?

2. Kitchen. I will give myself a B+ on kitchen cleanliness before Internetliness. I am definitely tackling messes in the sink more often. I've also discovered if I just kick all the toys from the kitchen into the family room that the whole house feels cleaner.

3. Exercise. Up until the Blizzard(s) of 2010, I would give myself an A-. But since being snowbound and having a kid with pneumonia, that went right down the shitter. For the past two days I have done an exercise DVD at home and today I hope to return to the real gym. So, probably a B+ on that.

Wow. That was boring.

Okay! UNCLE!

2010-02-11T06:20:00.004-05:00

Pretty

This used to be a hammock. And a fence.

This used to be a door you could walk through

This used to be a mailbox and a light post

This used to be a car

Last weekened, we had 28 inches of snow. Then yesterday we had another 20 or so inches. We have had something like 80 inches of snow this year (normal is like 18 or so). This is what is feels like to actually be snowed in. I couldn't drive if I wanted to.

I spent four winters in Alaska and never experienced this. I can't even shovel my driveway.

Well, I could shovel my driveway if I had a spare 8 hours when the kids were safely occupied and not screaming bloody murder at the door. I guess I could just not sleep one night and knock it out overnight. I strapped Andrew into his seat and gave him a giant lollipop yesterday while I tried to clear off the deck. HA HA HAAAAA. I shoveled and shoveled while listening to him cry and I got about 1/16 of the deck cleared. At the most. And the shovel is getting a bit rickety. The one shovel we have.

Just to make it even more exciting, Becca got the diagnosis of pneumonia on Tuesday. I wasn't sure I should take her in, because.....well...she didn't seem too sick. I mean, she kind of did. But then she would rally and seem rather normal. And I would waffle back and forth on whether to take her in. If it wasn't for the impending Second Blizzard of Doom, I wouldn't have. So, maybe I have this SBOD to thank for catching the pneumonia early this time. She has steroids, antibiotics and a nebulizer and seems nearly back to normal already. But really...third year in a row for pneumonia. What is up with her? (On an unrelated note, I am definitely getting better at handling it. Though I couldn't have been worse, initially.)

Yesterday I was trying to clear the snow from around the gas/electric meter outside, and I smelled natural gas. I ignored it. I called my Uncle Jim in Minnesota, who is an expert in snow removal, (he was explaining to me how to find the furnace vent and make sure it was free of snow). I mentioned the gas smell and I totally expected him to say "Oh yea, that is normal." But he didn't say that. He said to open some windows if I started feeling lethargic and light-headed. Hmm. So I called the gas company, fretting the whole time about why I had a headache. And why did I never get that carbon monoxide detector that I meant to get three years ago. Wait, am I feeling lightheaded? Do I feel lethargic now?

I opened the front door and the back door. Wind and snow whipping into the house. And fretted. When would the gas guy get here? How would the gas guy get here? The roads are nearly impassable. I called all my friends, fretting. Letting them know they should come check on us and pull our unconscious bodies out of the house in a few hours.

The gas guy came. Fast. He checked the house. It was fine. Nothing hazardous. And to think some people think I overreact.

There was a small gas leak outside. He fixed it.

I made another cup of coffee and got on with what was one of the most enjoyable days at home. My Aunt Kunky sent three big boxes of stuff from my cousins' childhoods. Books, puzzles, puppets, dolls. It couldn't have arrived at a better time. The kids and I played, read....just hung out. I had the news on all day. Becca never even watched TV until about 4 p.m. It was really nice to know that I wasn't going anywhere. (For days, apparently.) And I was able to just relax and play with them....which is something that I normally feel like I can do very much.

I have kind of enjoyed this in a way. Though it is a claustrophobic feeling knowing I can't really go anywhere. And it is scary to think about "what if we lose power?" It is a change from the norm. It has been exciting. It is all anyone is talking about. My friends and I call each other and share stories about how high the snow is. "I can't see out my window!" or "I could just step over my fence!" or "I sunk in up to my upper thigh!"

So, while this has all been quite an adventure, and has become so ridiculous it is almost comical. I think we need a break, Mother Nature. We get it.

Snow, Fever, Snow, Fever, Repeat

2010-02-08T13:27:00.007-05:00

We spent the weekend over at Tracy's. I was really glad I decided to go over there for the big blizzard of '10 just for my mental sanity. Though, the fact that my son is a shitty, shitty sleeper away from home and the fact that he is teething/viral/something and pretty much means he did this for a good portion of the weekend:

The rest of the kids had a great time, though. And Tracy and I were able to chat and watch movies after they went to bed. She made us some yummy Carribean drink called a Dirty Banana, which sort of helped take some of the cold out of winter. So, that was all exciting and different.
But, February. You are on notice. If you don't cut it out I'm going to have to punch you in the face, just like I did last year.

A weird wind-whipped part of our yard.

This is just getting ridiculous. We got 28 inches of snow over the weekend and are expecting what could be another 12 or so inches tomorrow.

Yes, that is an empty box from a case of Yuengling. What of it?

Now Becca has a fever and a continual, nonstop cough.

I'm feeling just a teeny bit ready for spring.

Is there anyplace I can go to escape this vicious cycle of snow and snot removal? I've run out of places to put it all.

MONSTER STORM OF DOOM RUN FOR YOUR LIVES OMG!!!

2010-02-05T10:23:00.005-05:00

Here we go! Another media hyped event! This time it is the STORM OF THE CENTURY! A BLIZZARD OF GIGANTIC PROPORTIONS!

It is hard not to get freaked out. Our local gas and electric company is expecting widespread and long-lasting power outages. Sleet! Snow! 26 inches predicted!

You should see the grocery store parking lots and checkout lines (I stole this image from the Web, but it is representative of what goes on around here). I needed gas in my car yesterday (I always wait til the gas light comes on, after all). And I could hardly get anything to trickle out of the pump. There were lines at the gas station and the guy next to me was filling up multiple gas cans.

Yesterday I made a stop at the liquor store to get some bloody mary fixin's. Can't be without that, you know. Then, I decided to take Tracy up on her offer for a Snow Storm Sleepover at her house this weekend. We are both husband-less this weekend and why not be together? Plus, she has a wood burning fireplace so we can stay warm no matter what happens. I don't think she likes bloody marys though. She'll be having blueberry martinis.

I am hoping to relax, stay warm and have some fun. I hope everyone else can do the same. And I hope against hope that my son decides he can sleep in a pack and play for once.

My New Motto

2010-02-04T11:38:00.003-05:00

Look! Look at this! I ordered one just like it, though in a more burgundy/browish hue.

This was a poster designed during WWII in England. I don't think it was ever actually distributed. It was recently discovered and is making a big comeback in many different colors. I love it so much. Whenever I feel myself getting agitated, worried, stressed, anxious, annoyed.....I just say this to myself. And it totally works. It is magic.

MY FACE! IS BURNING!

2010-02-02T12:04:00.003-05:00

I need your input, ladies! Let's talk about skin care.

I made an appointment with a dermatologist recently. I haven't been to one since I was a blemished sophomore in high school. Now I have wrinkles and spots to add to the list. I went hoping to get some ugly dark spots on my face removed (the arrived after I had sun poisoning in college). And to ask about skin care and what I should be doing.

My mom and I went to the Lancome counter to ask about moisturizers, etc. And we left more confused than ever. Serums, lotions, creams, brighteners, lighteners, wrinkle-reducers, hydration products, eye creams. WHAT THE HELL? I just want a simple, inexpensive skin care regimen. Not some 200 dollar creams that may or may not work.

My current regimen is a mild Dove scrub followed by Cetaphil lotion. When I remember I get some Kiehl's sunscreen on in the day time under the lotion. And when I remember I have a Loreal eye cream. That's it. Cheap. Low maintenance. Sometimes I use an apricot kernel oil at night--from the Natural Market. Basically an oil. I think it works better than any lotion/cream I've tried.

So, the dermatologist said "I cannot recommend anything over the counter." WHATEVER. Whatever, whatever, whatever, WHATEVER! I do not believe that for a minute. The only thing she COULD recommend was a skin care line that costs 1200 dollars a year. $418 every four months. And, what do you know!? They sell it there at the office.

!!!!

I said I needed something cheaper. She suggested lasering for my spots and then a mild Retin-A prescription. She could not recommend a SINGLE lotion for me to use. That pisses me off so much. Like there is NOTHING in all the millions of creams out there that would work for me. When I kept pressing her about spf in lotions, the only word that I recognized from her mouth was Neutrogena. So, now I've added the Retin-A thing (Atralin, it is called) to my usual regimen. When I run out of what I have, I will buy a Neutrogena lotion. But really, I think the apricot kernel oil is the best.

I got tasered yesterday. At least that is what it felt like. She told me to put on some protective eye wear and she was going to laser my spots. She said it might feel "warm." THAT BITCH HURT. It felt like a terrible shock you get in the winter after scuffing your feet on carpet. But worse and intense and on my cheek in various places. It turns everything darker at first and then it should lighten.

So, now I'm wrinkled, even darker spotted and broken out from something. My face is turning red and starting to peel from the Atralin. I feel like an ancient high school sophomore. Wrinkled, dried out and haggard. What can I do that doesn't cost as much as a private school? What do you do?

Turning the Calendar

2010-01-31T20:27:00.005-05:00

Ahhhh. Hello February. Can't say I'm really glad to see you, but I'm certainly glad to see January go. My two least favorite months of the year.

My mom was up for a few days. It was so nice.We went shopping and saw The Blindside. We ate out once a day and I totally fell off my low-carb, salad and protein-eating wagon. Here was my attempt to explain to Becca about "Eating a rainbow." She only ate the blues, purples and green. Then she had chicken nuggets and pizza. Bertucci's, Five Guys, Pizza Hut and McDonald's in a four day period--and we won't really go into the wine consumption. But we did do the 30 Day Shred twice. Mom got shredded. You should have seen Jillian telling us how awesome we are! How could she SEE us?

Andrew started drooling again this evening. Guess what that means? His fourth and final (for this phase) molar is on its way in. Which means my nights of sleeping well are on their way out. Lately he has gotten on the best sleeping schedule we've been on in YEARS, people. YEARS. I wake up rested, and HAPPY. I feel like some of my youth and vitality has been restored. I feel the gray hair production slowing, the face wrinkling abating, the frown lines lifting. I have been just truly happy. I don't even want to write about it. Just even typing this right now is guaranteeing a hideous return to 5 a.m. mornings. I am sure of it.

So, I'll write it really small. He's been sleeping past 7 every morning and taking one 2 to 3 hour nap every afternoon.

I know! I can't believe it myself. I am stunned every morning when I wake up BEFORE him. Refreshed. Happy. No one screaming at me. Light creeping in behind the curtains. How can I keep this roll going? Probably by NOT TEETHING. Dammit. I guess I better start making out with my sanity because it isn't going to be around for long.

Update at bottom!! THEY TOOK MY TREEEEEEEEEE

2010-01-27T08:09:00.003-05:00

Remember how I was complaining about how two years in a row my Christmas recycling has gone....UNrecycled?

Today I just watched the garbage guy throw my dead CHRISTMAS TREE in the trash. It was out curbside awaiting the Christmas tree mulching/composting recycling truck. I kept that damn thing on the side of my house for a MONTH and I just watched it go in the garbage truck. I don't even know what to say, except I have to make a personal apology to the polar bears. Poor babies.

****So I called the waste disposal people. This is how the call went.***

"Hello. The garbage men just put my christmas tree in the trash truck."
"Yes. That is how we're picking them up this year."
"Your plan for recycling the trees is to put them in a landfill?"
"No. That stuff is actually going to an incinerator. But they pull all the trees out and put them on a different truck before they incinerate everything."

YEA RIGHT. My flipping ASS they take all those trees out before they dump the stuff. Also, aren't the garbage trucks smashing everything as they go? That is such a crock. I want to march down to this incinerator and stand there and see if they pull Christmas trees out.

Would You Like to Hear About My Recycling?

2010-01-25T22:56:00.007-05:00

Because I would like to tell you about my recycling. Last Christmas... Wait, last, last Christmas...2008.... (God. I never even got 2009 Christmas photos on here, did I?) Anyway, way back in 2008 John's dad sent us some gifts in the most giant FedEx box you can imagine. It contained a baby Exersaucer and other various giant thing. I think all four of us could fit in it, plus a few Great Danes. It was huge. I saved it and filled it to the brim with every shred of paper or cardboard we had from Christmas. Every little shred of wrapping paper. Everything. I saved it in my garage for a week or more, weaving my way around it to get in the car, running into it. Feeling very annoyed by its presence. But I was determined to recycle it all. And then I hauled it out on recycling day, which was also garbage day.

I was so proud of myself! Look at me with all my Christmas detritus ready to be recycled. Look at all those other schmucks who just stuffed it in their trash cans. They must hate the polar bears. I love the polar bears. See my giant FedEx box? It is proof. I love their white fur and black noses. Look at my trash can, over there, practically empty. I sure do love polar bears.

And I actually sat around to watch what happened with my polar-bear-loving box of recyclables.

And, up came the TRASH truck and IN went my box of recycling. IN THE GARBAGE TRUCK!

*****

Just let that sink in for a minute. I flattened every box. I picked up all the tissue paper. The empty wrapping paper tubes. EVERYTHING RECYCLABLE WAS IN THAT FUCKING BOX. And it went to a landfill.

Of course, I called the waste disposal company in a giant, raging huff. I was told that that box was too big. And if they are that big they have to be taped shut.

What? Taped shut? Why? Oh. Because the recycling guys have to throw it up and into the truck and it might be to heavy. (Which, umm....doesn't explain the taping shut part.)

*****

Fine. So, this last year, in 2009, I was prepared. I did it all right. I put everything in smaller, easier-to-throw-sized boxes. I still kept every shred of everything. And it was a bigger pain in the ass than the giant FedEx box. Because this time I had about 8 smaller boxes clogging up the garage for 10 days, falling over and spilling and generally being a pain in the ass. But I persevered because I like sea level right where it is, yes I do.

I hauled all my 8 boxes out to the curb the night before recycling day. I felt so proud. I got it right this year. Yes, I did. Just take THAT, Mr. Trash Guy.

And, guess what happened THIS year? A giant wind storm came through during the night. A GIANT wind storm. It sounded like the house was going to blow down. I was worrying about shingles and siding. But I forgot to worry about the recycling.

When we looked out in the morning, ALL of the recycling was GONE. G.O.N.E. Blown all over the neighborhood. Not a shred left.

I am weeping real tears. I might as well just go stab a polar bear in the eyes now. I don't even know how to end this post except to say that my REAL New Year's Resolution for 2010 is for all our Christmas paper recycling to actually make it into the recycling truck this year. Fo shizzle.

Oh Dear Fun Fact Friday Already?

2010-01-22T07:47:00.002-05:00

Wow, y'all. I really am sucktastic and blogging these days, am I not? Here is why.

Not-So-Fun Facts:
1. Andrew has been sick for a week.
2. Croup
3. Double ear infection
4. Possible early bronchitis
5. I am going insane
6. Yesterday I listened to whining and crying continually for 8 hours
7. I'm not kidding. It didn't stop.
8. Until the babysitter arrived.
9. Then he was in a great mood, somehow.
10. I did what any woman would do: retail therapy. I think the pediatrician should say the following, "Your kid is sick. Virus. Croup. Ear infections. Molars coming in. Snot running like a faucet for 10 days straight. Hideous cough. No napping. I prescribe the following: hire a babysitter. Go out shopping. Buy some new clothes for yourself. And some shoes. Eat a nice meal out all alone. Then come home after the kids are in bed and drink a glass of wine in the tub."

Fun Fact Friday

2010-01-15T10:42:00.004-05:00

1. Some days I go from coffee, to Coke Zero to wine.
2. I am trying to drink more water. But usually it ends up being in tea.
3. I like water. I just am usually looking for something with some oomph--either caffeine or alcohol.
4. I love Bath and Body Works Vanilla Lavender scent so much that I want to marry it.
5. I find it nearly impossible to spend money on workout clothes.
6. I wish I had nicer workout clothes.
7. I look like a hobo at the gym.
8. But when I go to Target, I don't want to spend my money on workout clothes.
9. I love going to Target.
10. If I could have one hired-help person I can't decide if I'd want a full-time on-call nanny, or a housekeeper. I think I vote for housekeeper. But, maybe a full-time, on-call errand-runner would be the best.

Generations

2010-01-12T07:28:00.004-05:00

My parents are in town this week, which is always....just....HEAVEN. I recently heard about a study on loneliness, performed by some researchers at Harvard, in which different groups of people were asked to fill in this sentence. "I love my mother, but....."

And overwhelmingly, Americans said "...she drives me crazy." Or something along those lines. But more than 90% of Asians--just about ALL of them--said, ".... I could never repay her for all she's done for me."

Isn't that interesting?

I would complete the sentence this way, "I love my mother (parents), but wish we lived closer."

It Is Like They KNOW

2010-01-07T14:19:00.004-05:00

I've crossed over into the darkside of parenting. Actually stressing out about preschools. Getting riled up about freaking PRESCHOOL, people. God.

By May, Becca will have already finished two years of preschool. I started her in one that accepted late cut-off birthdays so that I could have a little ME TIME. I just wanted Mother's Day Out. But that doesn't exist up here in the north. So, she did pre-3 when she was 2. And she started pre-4 when she was 3. She still has another year to go before Kindergarten. So, I decided to move to her a different pre-4 program at another place.

No biggie.

Except try breaking into a pre-4 program. Not as easy as it seems. All the pre-3s have already signed up for the following year. There are very few spaces, unless you want to do 5 days a week afternoons (which I do not.)

The one place I really want her to go had 4 or 5 seats open. Today was registration day and it was to begin at 8 a.m. The director told me to get there early! So I did! I got there at 3:15 a.m. Like a total jackass.

Who am I, people? Really. Where is the old Katie? Because she never, EVER would have done that shit. But, it was either that or homeschool. And you KNOW the old Katie well enough to know that ain't happening. So there I was in my car. Four o'clock rolled around. I was still the only one there. Five o'clock. Six o'clock. Still the only freaking person there. I've never listened to that much NPR at once. Finally at 6:30 a few others came in.

I SAT THERE FOR THREE HOURS UNECESSARILY!

I could have been sleeping!

But, she got registered. I was first and I got my space and I don't care that all the other moms think I'm a total and complete helipcopter parent (which, I swear, I am not. Usually.)

So, what do you think happened next? After being awake since 3 a.m.? I needed a big nap, right? The kids have been great nappers lately. Predictable. Fabulous.

But guess who didn't need one? Just guess. I'll give you a hint. He is small and getting on my last nerve right now. And guess who is so caffeinated she might just shake herself off the ground?

(Like a helicopter.)

Back in the Saddle

2010-01-04T09:12:00.003-05:00

Becca is back at preschool this morning. Andrew is taking a morning nap. John's in the basement. I'm enjoying a hot, fresh brewed cup of coffee, thanks to my new Keurig coffee maker (what do you know? Coffee can just make itself and clean itself up!)

I've been gradually adding on new resolutions to my New Year's Resolution list. Before it was just one: photos. But that wasn't something I could work on every day. So, I've since added another: not to get on the Internet until the kitchen is picked up and the dishes/sink completely cleaned. That, my friends, is a challenge. Because who wants to wash dishes when the computer is just sitting here, in the kitchen, winking at me? And, just to be unoriginal and cliche, I thought I'd add in a fitness resolution as well. And that is to workout more days than not. That means 4 days a week, minimum. (I'm scared to even put that in writing. Terrified.)

As for my resolutions last year, that was a rather epic fail. In fact, I just went back to read them and totally forgot that I resolved anything about eating fish. That definitely didn't happen. In fact, I can't remember the last time I cooked fish. I also never learned the manual settings on my camera. Never even tried. But, I did get some control back in my life. Though, at the time I wrote that I had a new baby. So basically just sleeping more than 5 hours at night pushed me in the right direction. But, whatever! I did get a grip on some organizational aspects of my life. I feel more equipped to handle two kids and life as I know it. Basically, I give myself a D minus on last year's resolutions. Here's hoping for some improvement for 2010!

Erin has a great idea of assigning one word to the year. Just a theme, if you will. I love that idea. No hard and fast resolutions that you break in February. No failed goals. But rather just one word that you are working on in your life. I think this year, my word will be "Flow." Go with it. Accept it. Unclench a bit and let things go. Roll with the punches. (Except for the dishes!)

Happy Barfy New Years (Again!)

2010-01-01T09:11:00.002-05:00

Well, well, well. Welcome to the Second Annual Yap Barfing New Years Stomach Bug Extravaganza! Complete with unopened champagne, unattended parties and festive New Year tiaras. Stale saltines and flat 7 Up! Come one, come all! BYOL. Bring Your Own Lysol.

In this corner we have Becca and Katie starring on New Years' Eve. In this corner, is Andrew starring New Year's Day! And, finally, in this corner is John, huddled down miserably, breathing through his nose and trying not to touch anyone else, frantically spraying a cloud of Lysol around his head every 0.0004 seconds.

Happy 2010 everyone! I plan to do some other things today so that I can use the slogan "Whatever you do on New Year's Day, you'll do the rest of the year!" I plan to take a nap. I have already slept in late (thank you, Andrew!) I was going to workout, but see also: sick kids unwelcome at gym nursery. I guess I should get crackin' on my resolution to get my photos under control. I'm going simple this year. One little resolution. Something concrete. Something I've been avoiding for years. Photos. You and me, baby. And please, please, no more barf.

....

2009-12-29T22:20:00.002-05:00

....am so behind. So, so behind on the blogging. I hate it when bloggers say that. And then tease you with all the great stuff they have to tell you and promise they'll be back soon and then never come back.

We have been busy with all the Christmas shenanigans and then having a wonderful time with relatives and friends. I've been completely and totally ignoring everything business related and have let everything just slide into one teetering pile of crap on my counter.

And yet....I continue adding shit to the pile and not doing anything. And my giant, giant pile of Christmas-related cardboard recycling blew all over the neighborhood in a wind storm. Figuratively and literally....sadly.

I am making but ONE New Year's Resolution this year. To get my photos in order. And once I start on that I'll be back to fill you in!

Toodles!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T22:47:00.010-05:00

The dishwasher is running. The coffee is set to brew in the morning. I'm in my new Christmas Eve pajamas. The stockings are stuffed. The presents are wrapped. The guest bed is awaiting new arrivals. The breakfast casserole is in the fridge. The banana bread is baked. The church service is over. The singing is done. The turkey is in a cooler in our "auxilliary refrigerator"--which is really the snow on the back porch. The cookies are all a week old and half-way mildewed, but Santa won't care. The carrots are slimy, but the reindeer will still eat them. The Christmas cards are hung up all over the kitchen. The lasagna is partially prepped. The garage is full of boxes and packaging. The kids are in bed. It is Christmas Eve. I love this exact moment right now. I love thinking about how excited the kids will be tomorrow. I love that John decided at the last minute they needed more gifts and ran out to Toys R Us today (after weeks of telling me not to go overboard.) I love that it is finally here. I wish you and yours the merriest of Christmases.

Snow Day(s and Days)!

2009-12-20T20:46:00.012-05:00

Over 20 inches of snow fell on Saturday--and entire winter's worth in one day. Naturally, John was out in sunny California while the kids and I were holed up in the house. I wished he were here, but was glad he wasn't flying around in all the mayhem of the East Coast. It was exciting....watching the news, wondering when the snow would stop.It was relaxing knowing that even if I wanted to run around to do productive things that I couldn't. My choir concert was cancelled. Everything was cancelled. It is a nice way to really slow down. A forced slow down right around Christmas is pretty great. I took the kids out on Saturday in the blizzard, after a twenty minute suiting up session.Outside, it was windy and gusty and blowing snow in our faces. I set Andrew down on the sidewalk. He screamed. I pulled them down the driveway in the sled. Andrew screamed. I put him in the garage with a football and made snow angels with Becca. Andrew screamed. I held him as Becca walked in waist-deep drifts. Andrew screamed. His mittens fell off. He screamed. And then we went back inside. We made Rudolph sandwiches for lunch. We colored. We all took long naps. Later we trudged through the snow to a friend's house for dinner. We lost a mitten (Why has no one invented kid mittens that extend up to the elbow?) Becca and I had a movie night....and that was that! A great day aside from the 10 minute scream fest!

Why am I out here, woman?

Day number 2 dawned today, sunny and quiet and beautiful. Unless, of course, you count the heinous screams of terror coming from Andrew's crib at 5:30 a.m. (On the dot! Every day!) But, for the moment, let's just ignore that and think about the beautiful sunrise on the snow....

(Deep breath.)

Today was not quite as fantastic because I was suddenly looking at 20+ inches of snow and wondering how the hell I was going to shovel myself out of that mess, especially when Andrew apparently does nothing but scream in the snow and there were no other adults here to help/childsit/shovel, etc. I was also quite thrilled to get helpful phone calls from John about whether I was done shoveling yet (????)

I did what any self-respecting woman would do. I hired someone to watch the kids while I shoveled. Wait. That is NOT what should have happened....there should have been a pickup truck with a plow, or someone with a snowblower in my driveway. But, anyway....I am woman! I have shovel! Hear me whimper in agony!

A neighbor did come to my aid and help me finish the other half of the driveway. It took the two of us, combined, an hour and a half. Later I put in another half hour trying to clear the giant pile at the curb from the plows.

I can not lift my arms.

This is what the mailbox looked like after I shoveled. Dudes. I hauled a shit-ton of snow around today. Never, EVER shoveled that much in Alaska.

Becca and I tried making Snow Cream. Two cups milk (we used whole). One cup sugar, one tsp. vanilla. Stir all together and then add lots of snow and mix. It was almost like ice cream. Only more icy and more watery and kind of nasty in consistency. But the kids loved it.

So, now I'm ready to go the gym and work off the ten bajillion cookies I've eaten this weekend (Damn cookie exchange!) I'm ready to get out and see the world again. But alas! School is cancelled tomorrow for some reason. I'm not sure why because as far as I can tell the roads are all cleared. No more snow is expected. Although, this storm did let me in on why people all go running out to the stores to stock up before a snow storm. You really can get stuck in for a few days. That is a new experience for me!

And that's all from our little Winter Wonderland.

The Craziness Continues!

2009-12-17T07:30:00.004-05:00

John's Uncle Jack turned 80 this month and we recently spent a weekend celebrating his birthday and having a family reunion in Knoxville, TN. We always have a blast with his family--lots of laughter, chatting and good southern food. I don't know what happened, but I hardly took any pictures.

Oh, wait. I do know what happened. Andrew happened. Andrew who has had the most nasty snotty nose since December 1st and who refuses to sleep on vacation happened. I love the guy, but damn! He can ruin a night away from home faster than a bad hangover.....with less laughter and more snot on top of it!

He basically cried the entire first night. And screamed. And then we were all up for the day at 4:30 a.m. Well, by all, I mean me, Becca and Andrew. The unfortunate part was that I thought it was 5:30 a.m. I had them up, eating breakfast, playing, wiping their snot on me.....at 4:30 in the freaking morning! God! John woke up at 6:30 and told me to go back to bed. If I were about 5 years younger I could have handled a night like that. But, I am not. And I cannot.

And, of course, Becca did her freaky run a fever and look ill for a day or so while travelling, completely freaking me out. But, anyway....other than THAT (and the residual ill effects...see also: Mommy is a Zombie Do Not Talk To Her and Mommy is a Human Kleenex) things were fine. Becca had a blast playing with Hunter, who is about her age. Andrew had a blast playing with a houseful of boy toys (Marsha and Jed, John's cousin, have three boys). He was pushing all kinds of cars and trucks around and throwing balls. He was in heaven!
We had multiple fun family gatherings and gave Jack some silly birthday presents. Lots of laughter and some seriously delish southern cooking! It was so nice to see everyone.

The kids hung in there and were good sports for most of it. I love big parties where the kids are entertained by other kids and the babies are carried around by other people and I sit and relax!
I have two choir concerts this weekend and then? THEN! Then, I plan to relax. I have pencil-ed it in to my calendar. "Relax!" Starting Sunday. Relax and have fun....like maybe with some Christmas baking, some Bailey's in my coffee, some Griswold Christmas watching, some company coming, maybe some fondue eating......

Things That Glow

2009-12-10T16:14:00.008-05:00

Can we talk about Christmas lights? Because I'd really like to talk about Christmas lights. I have always wanted nothing but white Christmas lights. My parents always had multicolored. They were cute and fun and all when I was young. But as I grew up I wanted Classy and Magical. I wanted Timeless and Traditional. I wanted white lights.

I have never bought anything but. I love them. The way they resemble fallen stars on the branches. Or candlelight. They look natural and glowy and magical.

This year I pulled out my giant pile of white non-twinkling lights on green wire. I probably had about 10 of them or so. I've been toting them around from year to year, state to state. For some reason this year, just about all of them went on the fritz at once. A Christmas lights strike! Bastards!

Most of them just burned out half way. Half the strand works. The other is dark. I thought about checking the burnt out bulbs and trying to figure it out and replace it with those little extras in the plastic baggie that are attached to the cord. But I soon came to my senses. I probably paid $3 for each strand. They went in the trash (Gah! Sorry landfills!)

Off I went to pick up a few extra white light sets. Target! They have everything! Except basic white Christmas lights. Oh, they have all kinds of stuff. Pearlized. Crystallized. Spherical pearlized. Spherical multi-colored. Solar powered. White on WHITE wire. Multi-colored pearlized crystallized twinkling LED concoctions. But no plain white lights on green wire.

I brought home a few strands of the small spherical pearly ones. "These might be whimsical", I thought to myself. No. Not whimsical. Yellowish and not very glowy. Very yellowish.

Walgreens! They will have some plain white lights! Surely. No. They had white LED lights on green wire, though. Maybe those will work! Hey! Good for the environment! "These might be practical and look the same," I thought. No. Only if you want your tree to look like a flickering flourescent office cubicle. I think I got a migraine after looking at them for 0.002 seconds.

Walmart! They have EVERYTHING. Especially cheap basic stuff. Definitely, Walmart. No! Not a strand of white lights on green wire to be found. Unless you count the indoor only 20 lights on a strand mini-strands. I can just picture me now trying to string those around a 7 foot Christmas tree. "They have multicolored," I said to myself. "I grew up with those. They might give it a fun, childhood-ish glow," I figured.

So, we lit the tree with multi-colored. I felt a tear or two slide down my cheeks as I looked at the tree. "Where is the stars-on-the-branches glow?" I thought. Then, Becca came downstairs, gasped, and said, "PINK LIGHTS! HOW BEAUTIFUL!" I decided, maybe, just maybe, multi-colored lights might be okay.

Celebrate 'til You Collapse: That's My Motto

2009-12-08T07:28:00.009-05:00

Last week was my busiest week of the year. It started out with two choir rehearsals and a choir concert. My mom flew out for the concert, which was GREAT. I love knowing someone in the audience. I spent the next couple days running around like a mad woman--shopping, prepping, making returns, going to the post office, getting paperwork done on base, ordering a cake, buying stuff to decorate it, etc. Here are some photos from the last couple days, in random order (because I am too lazy to rearrange them with bloggers un-photo-friendly format.) You'll get an idea of the craziness this way, too! The weekend consisted of: John's squadron Christmas party, Becca's birthday party, a football viewing get-together (Hook 'em Horns!), Becca's Christmas program at school and my parents visiting. It was all fun, but tiring when you have a baby who wakes up at 5 a.m. every day. (We have GOT to fix that, people.)

Anyway. Onward!

The Birthday Girl

What a My Little Pony Cake looks like when decorated by a 3 year old

Getting ready for John's Christmas party

Grandpa Jack teaching the kids how to make a peach pie

Nana and Becca

Nana and Grandpa Jack with the kids

Awkward Family Photo after Becca's Christmas concert

Becca during her concert, covering her ears

Andrew during a rare non-snotty moment, probably at 5 a.m.

Becca showing Andrew how to lick the bowl

Birthday cake time!

Grandpa Jack reading Cars and Trucks and Things That Go

Grandpa Jack arriving after the birthday party

Happy 4th Birthday, Becca!

Becca and her treasured Lambie

Pin the Crown on the Pony (our babysitter did the artwork)

The party-goers

Final Result: covered in baby snot and sleeping at 9 a.m. on the couch

She's Four!

2009-12-07T07:55:00.006-05:00

Becca's Fourth Year from Katie "The Yap" on Vimeo.

Music: Playmates by the Puppini Sisters (from the soundtrack Kit Kittredge: An American Girl)
Past videos: Year Three, Year Two, Year One

Defective Type A

2009-12-03T08:35:00.006-05:00

You know that thing about me being Type B(ish) now? I think I'm wrong.

(Master of the Obvious here!)

I am still Type A.

I am just malfunctioning. I still have all the feelings and neuroses and desires as a Type A person. I want a clean house. I want things in order. I want to get things done. I want to do a good job at what I do. And yet......this is what happens all day, starting at 5 a.m.

By 6 p.m. the house is totally trashed. Dinner is burning. I have someone else's snot all over my shirt. It looks as though a herd (?) of monkeys barreled through the door and wreaked havoc in here. Nothing got done. Or, it got done ten times and un-done eleven times.

I am still Type A. I just have some problems with execution. They are aged 3 and 1.

Good thing they're cute.

Can't Talk Now Am Being Tortured

2009-12-01T07:10:00.003-05:00

I am not sure why, but Andrew has been doing this for the past four days: "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" In a very high-pitched desperate tone.

If you ever want to torture a terrorist or something, I could send my son over to whine loudly and continually. It will break anyone, I swear.

Holiday Hub-Bub

2009-11-28T22:13:00.007-05:00

Here we are. Holiday season. As if it isn't crazy enough with Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. We also have Becca's birthday, her party, her school program, the squadron Christmas party, my three Christmas chorus concerts (and rehearsals), out of town visitors and a trip to Tennessee scheduled in there too. I feel like I am already in hyper-over-drive about it all...thinking too much, making too many lists.

I really want to be relaxed and peaceful and Zen about all this. How can I slow down and breathe deeply and take it all in? How can I let the small stuff go? I can buy Becca a birthday cake. I can mail Christmas presents obnoxiously early. I can skip writing a Christmas letter this year. We don't have to go find a Christmas tree right away. We can eat pizza instead of home-cooked meals. I really want to let it all roll off my back. To be here. Present. Calm. That is my goal.

I Am Thankful For...

2009-11-25T14:47:00.006-05:00

dishwashers
naps
great choral music
blue cheese
families...uncles, aunts, grandparents, parents, in-laws, sisters, brothers, children....
potatoes
cheese
potatoes AND cheese
babysitters
mountains
photographs
beer
christmas lights
crisp white sheets
hot coffee
pajamas
evergreen trees
soft towels
Mad Men
historical fiction
a baby in footed pajamas, putting his head on my shoulder
a little girl in a dress, twirling
a husband who smiles and jokes about my neuroses

Thanksgiving Week!!

2009-11-24T06:19:00.008-05:00

I LOVE Thanksgiving. I love it. LOVE. Something about a big holiday with nothing to do but cook and eat and then lay around. Ahhh, yes. My favorite holiday is upon us. We're having John's dad, Jane and the boys and John's sister visiting this year. I am making Emeril's brined turkey, Jean's stuffing, Jo Anne's mashed potatoes, Amy's corn casserole, Jane's seven-layer salad, Ocean Spray's cranberries, Green Giant's frozen green peas and Jack's apple pie. So, you see...I just take everyone else's recipes. Works for me!

I guess I need to go to the grocery store now. I'm days behind where I usually am at this point.

I had a party for a few of my friends on Saturday night and that has thrown me behind. I made authentic enchiladas since I have been craving them and can't seem to find any good ones up here. It only took 5 hours to make two pans of them.

(No wonder you can't find them up here.)

It was the world's most awkward party. In a group of 8 ladies, there were two separate tiffs going on. I only knew about one of them. I couldn't figure out why the hell everyone was so quiet. There were three ladies who I hadn't had to my house before and I was getting nervous. I thought maybe it was me. Or, were the margaritas gross? What the hell? Certain people were avoiding certain people and everyone was rather quiet. I felt like a big buffoon--laughing too loud, talking too boisterously, spilling margaritas on the floor...trying to lighten the mood.

But, you guys. The best thing EVER happened to me. I am not being dramatic (as I usually am). John got me a one-time house cleaner for Christmas. HALLLLLLLELUJAH, thank ya baby JESUS in your manger.

It was the best day of my entire life.

I spent two days de-cluttering, but having that party inspired me to do that. Then, we left the house for three hours and when we came back it was sparkling from top to bottom. I cannot even put into words what this did for me. I am still walking on air. It is like I got a week of free time......I figure if it took three people three hours to clean, it would have taken me 9 hours. That is only if I didn't have any kids under my feet. With kids? It would have taken me all of eternity. It would NEVER have happened.

The lady called to tell me that I really should do a better job cleaning my kitchen floor. She ruined her manicure getting down on the floor and scraping stuff up.

You think I don't know that? (See also: margaritas spilled, and two children who get more food on the floor than into their mouths. And then step in it.) That is why I have been slowly losing my mind and weeping alone in corners about the state of the floors. That is why hiring YOU was the best day of my life. So, no. I don't need to do a better job of cleaning the kitchen floor. At least not this week.

Now I've turned back into a raging Type A lunatic. I'm trying not to scream at the kids about dropping things on the floor. Andrew has a plastic sheet under his high chair. But that's okay. Because I have a smile on my face.

Out of the Mouths of Critical Preschoolers

2009-11-19T14:11:00.003-05:00

"Mommy, I don't like your shirt. It is not beautiful. And your shoes don't match."

"Daddy, I don't like the sound of your voice because it sounds like you have a broken tooth."

Snippets

2009-11-16T15:10:00.005-05:00

Here it is November 15. And we have had two spectacularly awesome days. Sun. 70 degrees. Feels like picnic-in-the-park weather. I just planted 60 tulips, 60 crocuses and 45 irises. All purple and red. Now. I just have to sit here and wait for five months. Hmm.

*****

Becca told John she didn't want him to drive her to school the other day because, as she put it, "I don't like the way your hair looks."

She told me that she wants me to come to her school for one of their parties. But only if I "wear my hair down."

*****

Andrew has made the sounds of: a dog, a goat/sheep, a cat and a fire truck. But he doesn't do them on command. He can do sign language for "please" and possibly for "eat" and "more", but those aren't documented. I thought I heard him say "ball" a couple times, but am not sure. He babbles a lot. But, he still has ZERO words. He has said Mama and Dada but I don't think it was in context. What the hell? He has certain sounds that mean certain things, "ah ah ah" said with a certain (desperate) inflection means I want to eat THAT. Smacking his lips means he's hungry. And for everything else....whining does the trick. Holy SHIT can this kid whine. And God forbid I leave the room he is in, because you would swear someone has cut off one of his limbs. He just LOSES IT. If there were a bridge, he would leap off it. He cries like he is never going to see me again. DOOOOM!!!! I spend a good portion of my time sneaking around corners and ducking up staircases hoping he won't notice I left his sight.

However, HOWEVER! He can play by himself and entertain himself. He climbs up and goes down the slide by himself. Also, whenever he sees me he gives me a hug. He cuddles! And after raising Pepe Le Pew's girlfriend, that is a welcome change.

****

I am making progress on my Complete the Christmas Madness Before Thanksgiving Goal. I have ordered our Christmas cards and have updated last year's recipient list. I have purchased gifts for everyone except my brother and my husband. I have a few other random things to get to finish it off. I am now moving on to getting everything I need for Becca's birthday and birthday party. Then stocking stuffers.

Two years ago when we were enduring the Great Poorness of First Year Airline Pilot Hell I cut waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy back on Christmas gifts for everyone. I just got everyone one thing. And that was it. And I took the pressure off myself to find That Perfect Gift or The Perfect Gifts. I realized I am not the only person buying gifts for people. People get gifts from a bunch of people. As long as it was something somewhat thoughtful...and affordable. That was good. Man, people. That RULED. So I am all for the "buy one gift for each person" mindset now. Of course, there are exceptions--usually the people who actually reside with me get a few more things, etc. But really. I have toned it down. And I am much happier for it.

(I don't know if the gift recipients are happier, but who cares about them, anyway?)

(Totally kidding.)

(But really, I am happier. So that does rule.)

(If Mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy.)

So, I made a list of everyone who was getting a gift from us. Then I tried to think up one thing for everyone (unless the one thing was a gift assortment of smaller things). Then I went out shopping and bought them. Some people got something totally different than I originally intended. Some I ordered online. I am a great fan of photo gifts from online photography Web sites. I wrote down how much I spent on each person so I won't be tempted to keep buying and buying more. Now it is all sitting in my basement awaiting wrapping and mailing. Man, I hate the mailing part. The shopping was the fun part. Now the procrastination begins.

Put Your Hands Up If You Feel Me (But Wash Them First)

2009-11-11T06:30:00.005-05:00

It has happened. The world has come around to my way of thinking. It took an overblown media freak out over a possible pandemic....but hey! Whatever it takes! Germaphobia is the "in" thing.

Finally.

Purell wipes by all the grocery carts. Hand sanitizing stations in the gym and at preschool. The preacher at church saying that people may not want to shake hands during the greeting time. People now know to sneeze and cough into their elbows and not their hands. Everyone washing their hands.

Hallelujah.

I have never been a big fan of germs (who is!?) But after Becca had some weird reactions to seemingly normal illnesses and ended up in various hospitals and ERs and an ambulance...I started my slow descent off the deep end. Then, I had to have a damn blood transfusion to my fetus because of catching a "harmless" toddler virus, and I got a little worse. When Becca was in the hospital with pneumonia for 4 days this spring I made the final plunge. Now I'm a full-scale germaphobe. I am dealing with it. I am still functioning in society. That is, if you count not wanting to leave the house as functioning. Which, I do. Because we do leave the house. I put my kids in the gym nursery and preschool, and occasionally church.

I may be crazy. But I am still rational.

Of course, I think about what virus they are going to pick up. I think about that more than I should. Maybe 100 times a day? Something like that. But I just take a deep breath, bust out more hand sanitizer and tell myself it is good for them to build up their immune systems. They will make it out alive. It will be okay. We won't be in the hospital for a week this time. Really. It is better for us all around to be out and about in the world.

So. We do our stuff. Andrew is in a mommy-and-me class while Becca's gymnastics class meets. He crawls all over the mats. He slides down the slide. He puts his face in the foam blocks. I cringe inwardly, but smile. I laugh. I joke about what he's going to pick up. I twitch a little. I listen with ears perked on high alert to the other mothers discussing their kids' H1N1 symptoms. I make a mental note of who's children to avoid. But I continue on...smiling....stomach in knots. Wondering who will spike a high fever and start barfing soonest. Every night when I go to bed, I wonder to myself if tonight is the night someone is going to get raging sick. Every night I think about that.

When going to the grocery store or Target, I do my best to make sure Andrew doesn't lick any unsanitized shopping cart. If I only need a couple things, I wear him in the baby carrier, or take the stroller in to avoid the whole shopping cart thing. I make Becca wash her hands when she comes back from anything--school, gymnastics, the gym.

I am actually anti-anti-bacterial products. They are harming the Chesapeake Bay. They are making germs more resistant. I try to buy soaps that are just SOAP. Not anti-bacterial. Try finding those these days. Almost impossible. But then.....the media started tossing around the word pandemic and I went into full-scale paralytic mode. We're all going to die! Who will have the first funeral!? And now we have hand sanitzier stashed all over our cars, bags, house.

At least the rest of the world has caught on. We can all be crazy together.

First Haircut --Brought to you by Ineptitude

2009-11-10T06:50:00.006-05:00

I'd had it with the mullet.
So we went to get it trimmed. The lady clipped off a tiny lock as a keepsake.

I said "I want a regular, short little boy haircut." She trimmed up the mullet. And I insisted she trim the top a little. I kept saying "I want it.....layered....or whatever it is you do with boy haircuts." And she kept not doing much with it.
"How about evening up the top...", I said. She cut a little more. But not much. He looks the same except the mullet is gone. It wasn't a major transformation.
And somehow during all this, she bumped into her ledge and knocked the keepsake lock to the floor. And we couldn't find it. So I scraped up a few teeny scraps from my lap and stuffed them in the envelope.

The Whole Zen Thing

2009-11-07T07:29:00.006-05:00

I am still trying to slow down on the multi-tasking thing. I can't stop making list after list after list. I've always been that way, but I am going overboard now in an attempt to meet two objectives: a) get all Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving; and b) to try to still my ever-chaotic mind.

I have been telling myself over and over, "Slow down. Stop hurrying. Relax. Take a deep breath. Just be. One thing at a time. One thing at a time."

And then, someone spills their milk on the floor and someone else is screaming bloody murder because I dared leave the room, I'm supposed to pay that bill today, the dirty laundry has left the hamper and is threatening to take over the house, someone is playing in the toilet, I forgot to turn off the stove, someone is holding onto my leg, the phone is ringing, I need to finish unloading the dishwasher, someone just threw a sippy cup in the trash, someone is eating glitter glue, someone is screaming that they don't want to put their shoes on, and someone has just stepped in the pile of food under someone's high chair and slid across the floor on an avocado.

Objective B can suck it. (You knew that would happen, didn't you?) Objective B is nothing more than an impossible dream for Moms of little ones. This is why coffee and wine were invented.

But, I can still pull off Objective A. I did it four years ago, when I was pregnant with Becca. Her due date was December 13. We were living in Alaska and I had ALL my Christmas shopping done and gifts wrapped and mailed by Thanksgiving. That RULED. I LOVED it. I wouldn't have survived that December otherwise.

I want to do it again. Although, this year it won't be waking up with a newborn every hour that will be killing me, it will be choir rehearsals, concerts, christmas parties and birthday parties, and handling all that shit in paragraph three (above). I want to be baking banana bread and taking a nap on December 23, not running around like a crazy person.

Since my New Year's Resolution of "getting control" went out the window on January 2, I feel like I can redeem the year this way.

(Maybe.)